"Mr. Selfish"

As you all know I met Theo last year in New Orleans, Louisiana I met him during a time when I needed comfort, healing, and my heart was still hurting. Maybe the truth of the matter is I needed to completely heal from this person who I was still in love with at the time. I was trying to move on from someone I still had feelings for who I met in 2011. You all know the story my readers, I call him “Handsomeness” to you all but his real name is Deven Clarke. I moved on after I saw him last fall in 2015 and he told me he was not in love with me at all. He told me, “I deserved someone who would love me back”. I took this trip as an opportunity to meet someone new. I thought meeting Theo would be a chance to start fresh and new. Heal my heart and move to something else. It did I am grateful I have known him for a year now and it has been a great experience for me.  I did heal some emotional wounds and scars. It boosted my spirit it helped me realize its okay to keep taking some chances and just start over.

So what happened why has everything changed all of a sudden…well where we left off Theo moved back to Brooklyn, New York. Now we did see each other I went to go see him on my 30^th birthday two weeks ago and we spent some much needed quality time together. It was great to see him…but I am noticing a lot of changes  and my intuition is on a high power 1000 I know something is not right at all. I am just going to refresh your memory

on what happened….remember something I was not looking for anyone I was trying to heal my heart, I was on vacation, and I was not trying to pursue anyone at this time. Theo pursued and came up to me that night. Now one thing that impressed me the most was what he said to me.  The night he told me, “I feel like I am winning” I felt like a prize for once because he made me realize okay it’s all right I closed this chapter. I was completely honest with Theo about everything, I told him from the moment we met I am a writer, I am also a financial coordinator for Lord & Taylor ( at the time I was just temping), and he knew I always had been writing for a long time.  He was ok with it I even told him he was featured in my blog! (Now here’s the catch Theo wanted me to edit his full name and I did you’re welcome—jerk!)  Now another thing I thought that  I thought this would work is when he told me was moving back to Brooklyn he’s originally from Hanover, Jamaica and was raised with three other boys his older and younger brothers.  He had a pretty blessed, charmed life, college educated, and his parents were still together as well. He had a close relationship with his father too. That impressed the hell out of me the most and the fact that he was ambitious too. I thought great, he’s not some of the men I see on the streets, the men I hear who don’t want to strive and want to pursue their goals and dreams too. Now before I get too deep why am I calling him selfish?

I will explain further now…INCIDENT #1-The movie theater incident—we went to movies to go see “Concussion” and he flew in from New Orleans for three weeks for Christmas break…mind you he knew I lived here. He waited literally two days after New Years to come see me.  So we went to the movies and I remember looking at him and he is sitting there on his cell phone texting his friends telling them that he needed a ride back home and we were literally looking up at the screen and he said he had to go. I told him ok fine….so I told him I needed a ride as well to get back home. It worked out well I met his old friends and they lived a few blocks from my house and it worked out well.  I only saw him for a few hours and then he went back home.

INCIDENT#2- I got stuck in a tight jam and I needed just forty bucks to help me out and  I asked him to help me out. He ignored me asking, didn’t want to help me out, and I ignored him for 4 weeks!!!! Then he comes back to me talking about what’s up I went off!

INCIDENT#3- His birthday made birthday reservations at Nobu a five star restaurant for his 25^th birthday and this damn fool is running doing a marathon of interviews he claims.  I was going all out for his birthday pulling out the stops getting birthday presents, balloons,  Magnolia cupcakes (One I delivered personally in person and went to go deliver in person at the airport), and doing everything  to make sure he would be happy on his birthday.

So I forgave him during this time I took a break and turned off all communication and then he wants to come back in my life. Now I realize cut him off completely because Incident#4 pissed me off completely last night! 

Some songs for you to let you know...i am going to be just fine =) Goodbye!!!

INCIDENT#4-I am leaving my brand new office downtown in Manhattan I work in the financial district and I texted Theo early morning reaching out to him. He knew I wanted to see him and I told him, “I would come meet you” I am downtown with access to all trains. Then he decides “Well I am coming from work I am leaving at 4” he gets off work early. Then I told him I am leaving early too and then I headed uptown to go  change my clothes and get ready to see him. Mind you he knew I would come out there to go see him. He knew I was on my way and I made a trip to go see him. Calling and texting. I went out there and I knew you need to do this and see for yourself. Now I wish I had proof that it was more evidence of something happening but it’s ok I know now. He never picked up the phone after that 4 phone calls, 10 text messages, and then I cursed him out and told him “Whoever he or she is….i hope she is worth it.” LOL I know I am being harsh but I had to because whoever fucked up my night and whoever this person is….just know this he’s a fucking little ass boy and you’re not a real man. You won’t be until you learn to treat women with some fucking respect and decency. You really don’t know shit….All the best Theo….Good Luck god speed and remember Karma is a bitch!