A couple "love songs" from 2016 I loved this past year.
Happy February and Happy Early Valentines Day 2017, Hello my
dear readers I always miss you all when I don’t get a chance to write and just
to kind of get it all out of my system I miss being able to tell you what’s
going on. I am single again yes I
am and I am excited and happy but these past few days since it happened hasn’t
been easy. First you cry, your pride is hurt, your heart hurts a bit, then you
get angry, you indulge in Haagen Daas and Ben & Jerry ice cream (shout out
to Ben & Jerry maybe you should make a “Break up with that Man” flavor or
“Ditch that fool fudge and caramel”ice cream) and Chinese food, watch movies
and television, and try to figure out what the hell is going on right now? Now
honestly I have talked to you all about this person who I broke up with as
well. Do you know honestly I feel he was hiding something a lot of things. He
asked me several times to take down his photos on my blog….now first of all who
is the author of this blog? I am for the past 8 years you all know I have sole
control. Another thing after forgiving someone 5 times over the course of a
year you realize hell yeah you did me a favor. I think I cared a lot and I
wanted to be with him and make it work but after making a few sacrifices you
begin to realize “no let him go”. I want to be in a relationship where I am sharing
my life with someone especially now when I am in a place where I have a chance
to do more things and have access to a lot more opportunities too. I am heading
a good place but I need to get my love life in order completely. I feel like
sometimes I wish I had a camera crew with me and a speaker phone maybe people
could have observed some of my past relationships, and heard what was really
being said, done, and what we talked about as well. So what I decided to do was go talk to someone professionally
and get an opinion from someone outside of my family and friends to find out
what is going on. I have done this before I did this back in 2006 when I was 20
I took sometime for me for a few months. So I think it’s a great idea I need
this I felt like this person was not reciprocating a damn thing at all! I
shouldn’t have to work and put so much effort, go fly to Louisiana to go see
you, making reservations for his birthday, going to see you when you forget it
was my 30th birthday. So I realized it’s over I cannot and don’t
deserve to be with someone like that at all. It was mutual, it was easy, he
still lives here in NYC, but I kind of knew this was going to happen once he
got here he was going to want to see other people. Honestly, he shouldn’t have
to at all cause I was going to give him everything. I don’t think he deserved
it no he didn’t so the best thing for me to do is to move forward. The good
news is this I don’t have to push anyone else to the side anymore, no more
pushing anyone away anymore. I wanted to be a committed girlfriend and wanted
to only be with him. I even bought a cheap ring with his birthstone (which I
threw out I can always buy another one in case someone else I meet has the same
birthstone but now I am going to upgrade real bling bling in the future).
Anyway I just think now I know I need someone who’s going to be there for me in
a way and really step up, calling, wanting to meet my family, my friends. My
friends were so excited to meet my ex-boyfriend actually and I wanted to share
him with everyone. The same way how I felt he was doing with me. Introducing me
to his friends and I realize now I just need to be able to start fresh and new.
Let me be the woman and let the man step up and make an effort. It’s funny now
guys want you to approach them when I did that I have it can go either way.
Either it backfires or it can go in a different direction. I think I need him
to step up a lot more and for him to show me he really would value and
appreciate me. What I am going to learn and what I want to learn is when I
first learned about love, why was someone disrespecting me in some past
relationships, what I can work on improving, and also finding out how do I stop
repeating my mistakes this time. How can I improve myself and how will I be
able to move forward to get to a better relationship in the future.
I have watched a lot of my childhood and high school friends
fall in love, find people they were probably meant to be and people who love
and value them. I have watched them get married and find happiness. Sometimes I
wonder does it have something to do with demographics, ethnicity, socioeconomic
status, personality, aggression, or other factors. Whatever it may be I am
going to spend some time for the rest of the year figuring out how to improve
my relationships and hopefully finding the man I am supposed to be with in the
future too. I have watched so many
people take that step down the aisle, I have watched “Say yes to the dress” and
all of these shows looking for that person and always dreaming and thinking who
would be the person I would end up with. I know and believe it will happen but
now I need to work on Chloe a little bit more before I get to the next step. I also of course will be focusing on
getting healthier again (I can still eat Haagen Daas and Ben & Jerry’s or
Tres Leches Cake lol but I will be making sure to take care of myself as well).
This is about
building the next generations of Riccardos/Goldens I am my parent’s only
daughter so it’s important for me to find that person and to get to that step I
want to move and go into a healthier place and be in a relationship where I
really feel happy pass the “honeymoon and I am so hot for you” phase. So stay
tuned my readers the next few months are about to get really interesting now. What I want to figure out is how to get to get to that connection not just the physical side is easy I think for me its about building the intimacy side, the friendship, and the trust. How to we get to that good positive place and maintain it like all of these beautiful couples in the photos too.
