"Aha! You're Jealous"

Now I know better of course to never feel any type of jealousy upon any fellow man or woman right? It's not cute....Well lately I kind of have been feeling that way and it's against someone actually two people who I was actually was in love with at one point.  The first person....It's not his fault or anyone's fault. Cause everything is a blessing usually especially when it's something good. I realized it earlier this summer, I found out that he was expecting his first child. I found out in a way that really kind of wasn't the right time because I was all ready feeling kind of upset about something else this was around the time my relatives passed away. I found out from a relative he was going to have his first child soon. I am nothing but proud because I know he will be a wonderful and great father to his child(ren) actually. He's a big kid himself. It was so funny just the other day I am listening to the lyrics as I often do sometimes on the subway riding along listening to my ipod. I am listening to this one song, "Jealous" by Beyonce off of her last album and as I intently listen to the song.  It hit me last night I see the picture of his first child posted online  and I often think back to actually there was a time when I thought of that idea. When I thought of being that girl. The girl who he would have his first child with too.  I have moved on especially since we last dated it's been 5 years since we actually seen each other in person and had a decent conversation.  It's funny how old feelings can spark up something and make you realize that the dream you actually had in your heart was true, that maybe I wasn't imagining things back then. That what I felt back then was actually real.

So my dear readers please tell me has there ever been a time in your life when you felt lost, you felt jealous, but it was of someone you care for deeply and want nothing but the best for them. I feel that way and I cannot believe it because I know jealousy is one of the deadliest of sins. You shouldn't ever feel that way. Yet you are human though and you cannot help but feel that way. I realized it this summer but I covered it up. I kept busy, I stayed busy, and I was distracted trying to intentionally forget everything that happened over the course of my whole year. I can't do that though. You cannot forget something you know really happened right? No especially when there's too much evidence and proof.

Now I need to know does this mean I still care for this person? Do I still have feelings for this person? Or do I just go on about my business and moving forward. I constantly keep wondering about that though. I constantly wonder to myself that maybe I was supposed to see that on purpose. I know I was right. Of course because I wouldn't be sharing this with you. One thing I will say to "Someone #1" is this your daughter she's beautiful, take care of her and treat her the same way you did treat me  (with the good things) but double that. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope that one day I will be fortunate to have the same. I still cannot believe I felt that way cause you think you let go of something right? I thought so. 

Apparently not when I saw that but I wish him and his new family well. One thing I will say to "Someone #2" will be said to him when I see him... stay tuned readers....cause we may just see each other one day in person very very soon. 

So what do we do with jealous feelings I guess move forward especially if it's blood (a relative) you want them to have the best. You never want to see anyone struggling intentionally at all. You want them to be happy, prospering in everything that they do, and wish them the best as well. It's hard it's like a double edged sword actually. You don't know which way to handle it without getting hurt. Or you being hurt. The best thing is to focus on the positive part, be happy for them, and realize that your future is still bright, maybe not everything is the way it should be, but perhaps one day it will be.
Now I want all of you to listen to "Jealous" and tell me what you think as well. Cause believe me there's something about those lyrics that sting my heart but made me feel that it was so damn true.