Put your love on top: making your relationships successful

 

I have seen a lot of relationships in my life and they have become very successful relationships. I always wondered when you do something wrong for example you have a way to find a solution and fix the problem right away. However, when you have relationships that have existed for over 12 months or more how do you make those relationships consistently work on a regular basis dealing with outside and personal issues from day to day? What makes a relationship work, what kind of personalities ideally work for each other? One thing I believe works for any couple firstly is communication. That is something that should be a priority for both parties involved. I believe we sometimes get caught up in the day to day. Especially with more distractions cell phones, technology, personal and professional distractions it’s easy to forget that we even are involved in a relationship. Or we are investing our time into another person. Sometimes we often may need to take a step back and look at the world through the other person’s vision and perspective. This can work when the couple has been on let’s say 20 dates or they have been together for 1-2 years. There’s a familiarity that develops and you can get comfortable. That’s another important thing you want to feel comfortable with this person which leads to the next trait trust. How can we trust each other after being together for so long? How can we rely on one another after a long period of time. Those are some important qualities to look at in yourself and your partner. Appreciation for one another you hear the term “He/She is taking you for granted”. For a couple who is very much in love this should be effortless and not a thing to forget. For married couples who have celebrated many anniversaries they probably have this thing on lock. You show appreciation remember something they love to do, they love to watch a favorite show, they remember a song you enjoy, a favorite author, a restaurant, something special you both shared. These are things that you can encompass and put into your relationship as well.

That is advice she told me is important staying away from being bored with the other person. I will never forget an old college friend of mine told me once she said, “You have to learn how to keep it interesting don’t get bored”. I agree with her advice, as a couple the two of you don’t want to get stuck in monotony and just continuously have get this feeling of predictability. Yikes cause then we have big problem. One thing I like when I was dating someone I remember a moment of them making me feel shy, I remember the feel of being afraid to let the shield down. We were on our first date and he asked me to sing something everyone knows I don’t like to do in public. So I did and then we ended up doing a duet together for a few minutes.  I think it was a good thing though like he was saying without verbally saying, “Yes, I am going to challenge you”. Let me see what you can really do now. The feel of stepping out of your comfort zone can be a great thing. It can be beneficial for the two of you. It can allow the two of you to expand who you really are and what you need to tap into yourself. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically help build the two of you as a couple. We have to look at all of the things that we have to work on as a couple to make our relationships stronger. My biggest concern has always been losing myself. Am I going to lose myself when I am with this person? I am fortunate I haven’t had to lose that side of myself. I never wanted to stop being independent, I didn’t want to become a needy person, or clingy. I tried to remember you are a person too, bring everything you have to the table, but don’t lose what has made you become yourself. That means baggage, flaws, personality traits, and everything that makes us who we are.

A great thing is finding things in common and using our differences to become better too. If you have a lot of things in common with this person your friendship and relationship will last a long time. Perfect example my mother and stepfather have been together over 20 years a few things they have in common is they love music all types from R&B, soul, oldies, classic, hip hop, and pop, their industries are connected she’s in advertising and sales, him in marketing and promotion with his own production company, they have the same love of food, and the same set of family values. Now they don’t have the same views on everything my mother is more liberal while my stepfather is more conservative on some issues. You see what I mean differences even people I dated they may have considered me as an idealist while he may be a realist and more down-to-earth. I am someone who believes there’s a solution to every problem if we think things through carefully. I am the “if there’s a will then damn it there’s a way” person. I believe that’s what can make a relationship work make each problem into a problem the two of you can solve. It’s better to solve it than being afraid and running away. It’s as if the two of you are saying “I am scared, I am running, and now I am giving up on you.” There’s a way to fix the problem and handle it.

Some may decide professional help and counseling is best, outside help, I think that’s best personally, please don’t involve your close friends and family when it’s not a serious issue. It’s better to get professional help or outside help.  Anything that may arise that is petty or frivolous can be handled by two consenting, mature, grown, intelligent, and educated adults they can handle by themselves. So that’s what it really takes solving problems together, appreciation, a mutual respect for one another, admiration. I really stress admiration we live in a world full of women and men from all walks of life, different heights, shapes, backgrounds, experiences, and can offer a variety of things to the table. Admiration and affection I definitely think is something that will make a woman feel even more valued. There has to be more of something than attraction to help keep that spice and connection between a couple.  From what I have seen in Black Hollywood, successful black athletes, politicians, or every day “Joes and Janes”. They have figured out a mutual understanding between them and their girlfriends/wives/ boyfriends/husbands. They have figured out a way to find something real, genuine, and subtract the things they don’t need in their relationship as well.

 

 

You know I had to include this song too "Love on Top" by Beyonce (2011)

 

We are all Family: Blended Families and African American couples

I have a confession to make for the past 20 years I have grown up in a blended family. Although my parents may not be married they have been together over 20 years and made a “common law” marriage work for them for nearly two decades with ups and downs just like any other normal American couple. I met my stepfather when I was 10 years old. I was so nervous to actually meet him I even worried about what to wear when I made my first impression. I didn’t have to worry actually he embraced and accepted me just as I was. I am the only daughter of my mother and the youngest child and daughter of my father. He has a son from a previous relationship so I have a half-brother who is 11 years older than me. So you can say from the moment I was born aside from that lovely fact. That story and it’s a pretty interesting story I was born into a blended family too. My stepfather really schooled and taught me things about myself, he taught me how to have a better relationship with my mother as well. I met him during the “dark ages” I like to call it during my adolescent years from (11-20) that definitely was a defining moment and time. My teenage years with him were not as simple as they could have been. I did some dumb things, said some crazy things, and yes I paid the penalty for it. However I believe during those years I learned the true value of why you have to have a strong mother-daughter bond. Why it is essential and why every young girl at that age needs that relationship, she is coming into her own, she’s going through changes, puberty aside itself. She is going through things that can confuse her, define her, and make impressions on her mind as she figures out who she is too.  So why is this important at all? It’s important to me because every young girl admires her father. However, no one tells you that you can respect and admire your stepfather too.

I have been pretty blessed to see my mother and stepfather’s relationship blossom especially after she had been married to my father for about 10 years and they were together about 17 years in total. My stepfather when he came into my life it happened when I not only needed to develop a better bond with my mother during those teens years. I also needed to learn how to deal with boys and men, how to learn some valuable lessons as well. Having a stepfather gave me a stronger relationship with the both of my parents actually. I am lucky to have a “bonus dad” and a “bonus mom”. My father remarried in 1999 and has been married for the past 14 years. So I learned to develop a relationship with them both. I believe a child gains more of an education, more family, and can develop even more confidence when the relationship between their parent and “stepparent” is right. They have a way of impacting a child as well. So for me I believe yes a man or woman can remarry, they can be in another relationship especially if it were children involved within the relationship or marriage.

Now According to the Pew Research Center 40 percent of relationships for minorities involves children who were born or adopted even from previous relationships of marriage. A statistic that does not surprise me now especially in the case we have couples who are getting divorced more frequently. They’re teenage and adult children now have a chance to have siblings or stepsiblings. Aside from myself some of the most successful relationships have come from blended families. 1. The Kardashian-Jenner family, 2.The Harveys (of Steve Harvey) and Marjorie Harvey , 3.The Smiths (Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith), 4. Reverend Joseph Simmons aka “Rev Run”  and Justine Simmons, 5. The Pitts- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie-Pitt .

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie although their relationship may not be ideal. They still found love anyway and eventually married. The two of them decided to blend their family with their six kids which includes a set of twins and educate them on their differences too. Talk about the ultimate blended family. All of these people yes they are entertainers but they have had successful relationships though. They have managed to pull their immediate family with someone else’s previous relationship and children. They make it work no excuses or anything standing in their way. They make sure to include everyone in the household and find a way to have a relationship with their children and stepchildren. For my mother, my stepfather, two stepbrothers and I it has been the same way as well. I believe you can make it work with the right person once you set a foundation in the relationship.

It is something that comes through hard work, the desire, sacrifice for a family, and also with that mutual connection between the husband /wife, their children, and their family as well. They need to set ground rules on how to make all of the relationships even stronger where they understand each other. So for everyone it does work I am living proof it works when everyone has moved on, matured, and they understand their roles too.

 

 

 

Had to put this song in lol Sister Sledge's "We Are Family" lol

Don't let him make you second choice...because you are 1st always remember

 

 I am reflecting thinking about all of the men I have dated casually, had brief relationships with, or whatever the case may be.  I started dating at 16 years old I remember being so excited that was the age requirement in my house which isn’t bad. The youngest I ever dated 18 and the oldest 32. I am starting to realize was I never first choice in these persons lives. They always chose their careers, something else, or someone else probably.  I feel like lately I am looking dead in the mirror at myself and finally mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually I see everything my strengths,of course flaws,  I also see my faults, my mistakes,the past the future, and perhaps even what needs to still be fixed. I feel a sense of pride and excitement about the future. Yet the past keeps reminding me of all the mistakes I made and keeps gut punching me like yes this is why it is this way. Why is it for me in my career it has always managed to be pretty decent even though I am not doing what I truly want to do yet professionally. Yes I blog and I have many opportunities in my field in the entertainment, music, or magazine industry over the last four years.

Absolutely true

So true who wrote this quote

 

 My love life has never been as strong as my career has though. My friendships have been stronger than my love life. My family bonds have been stronger but why is it my love life never thrived and picked up how it should have. I often wonder did I not love these people enough, did I not give enough, or was it just the simple fact I needed to learn how to balance the whole pie first. In our lives I learned this in my health class back in

college we have 10 slices of pie let’s say it is called the 10 dimensions of wellness. The 10 dimensions of wellness are:  social, mental, physical, emotional, intellectual, occupational, environmental, financial, sexual,and multicultural wellness. The reason why I mention this is because I feel strongly there must be something off if I cannot seem to get what I always wanted and strive for as well. So I feel like perhaps I need to start considering I need to be first choice. Ladies be first choice in your life first. I think sometimes we get caught up in others too. We forget our own at times, or maybe there’s an area we often neglect where there is a huge void. I am starting to feel that now. So I suggest maybe it’s time to be like the men. Maybe it’s time to put our dreams and everything as first choice and put love, dating, and relationships on hold now. I am not suggesting for everyone because you may be satisfied and happy now. I am suggesting this to people who neglect their instincts and that “little voice” inside their head. Sometimes we need to pay attention to the signs and realize what is best for us too. Don't let him ignore you or make you feel the feeling that you are not valuable or a precious commodity. You are a human being with a life too and deserve to be adored, treated with respect, valued, appreciated, and deserve that 100 percent never settle for less. Know what you are worth and not to go by anyone else but only  what is truly best for you. I have had that feeling lately meeting some new people and looking at possibilities and looking at the past too. It made me think do I want to play the sidekick or the opening act instead of the main event in someone's life. I am not saying being the center of their world cause a person shouldn't be the center of your everything but you should make them a priority too. I added a song "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink  for you all because yes you are worth it.

“Happy Birthday! Inside the World of Honey Brown Sugar Blog turns 7”-October 21st, 2015

Happy Birthday to you blog!!!!! We have made it nearly 100,000 pageviews and going strong. I know my readers we cannot be in love with something that is intangible and does not have a soul, mind, or heart. However, this is something I have loved doing and you know what apparently you can love something as long as it has made you smile and happy. I am proud to announce that my blog is turning 7 years old. Yes I started my blog on October 21st, 2008 when I was in my junior year at Hunter College. I was taking a Basic Reporting class and I remember my professor vividly telling us all in the class you will have to sign up for Google.com, create an account, then next sign up for Blogger.com and then the next thing she told us each of you needs to decide what topics you will discuss in your blog. From that moment I knew instantly I know what I have to discuss. The topics I am passionate about the most. It started off with music and entertainment at first. I did my first blog post on Beyonce’s 2008 two- sided  cd her second album, “I am…Sasha Fierce” and how she influenced so many women with being strong, confident, and empowered. From that moment on I started discussing everything happening around music but then it expanded. I started discussing my life too and then it just kept growing, the topics grew, but I always tried to focus on entertainment: books, music, television series, political, and social issues. I even tried to discuss body image issues for my female younger audience that’s one that’s really important to me. I want to see young ladies know they can truly be themselves and comfortable no matter whom they are or where they come from too. I try to target the age group of the (18-50) crowd. My blog is probably read by teenagers, young adults, and possibly senior citizens as well. So for me it doesn’t really matter who is reading as long as you support my blog and come along the journey with me.

As time has progressed I kept changing topics and went into fashion and just kept growing with it. I cover major designers. If you have seen some of my posts I talk about major fashion designers I have discussed Christian Louboutin and Chloe as well. After a while I noticed my numbers going up and up I went from 13 followers at first and then it went to 500 page views and then after seven years we are at nearly 100,000 page views now. I am praying for over a million and more. I have grown with the blog and really learned the trick of how to engage your reader. Firstly, be honest, speak your mind, speak from all experience, and most importantly discuss topics that are relatable. There’s no judgment in my blog, the only time to judge is making it look professional and grammatically correct. I still aspire to be a journalist and writer. So I have to make sure all of my facts are correct and if they aren’t it’s easy for me to fix and edit right away. I have had so much fun doing this blog and it can only grow and become a beautiful garden full of topics to discuss from here. I have discussed how I was born premature, how premature babies mean a lot to me, how to be healthy, I discuss popular bakeries and restaurants celebrities dine and order from, the news  how it affects us throughout the year, the highs and lows of the year.  I discuss the most popular stories we all talk about at the water cooler. I even discussed a lot of my personal life as well.

 It has helped me show the world that yes I have a voice. I have always had one I just had to figure out my angle and how to use it. For me it has allowed me to come up with so many ideas, visit places, travel, and promote everyone and anything I love and enjoy as well. So to have my blog I am so grateful seriously it is hard to break into the industry without knowing people off hand. I am fortunate I know some people now compared to seven years ago when I first started out. I was 21 when I found my blog and it really has grown with me a lot because I knew I couldn’t talk about partying in college forever right. Even though there’s a lot I can do with that I would just flip it. 5 years have passed since I graduated so now I would say how to make sure you don't burn yourself out in college. That way you look great when you graduate too. I am thankful to Professor Karen Hunter, who’s a journalist as a well thank you a million times.  She's has written many books that I have posted about via social media and read as well. Professor Hunter told me  to channel your inner “Sasha Fierce” and believe I found her and she’s here. I have found my voice and apparently I have some people who like it too. So Happy Birthday my blog, you are truly my first baby I am so proud of us look at how much we have grown together. Nearly 100,000 page views, the stories and ideas keep on rolling. I applied and even considered advertising with Google for "ad sense" you may have seen it if you are a writer too. Google who controls Blogger even replied to me to let me know I had to make some changes if I ever wanted to consider earning profit. I didn’t protest or even fight an appeal I just decided let me continue doing it for free until I write my next blogs if I do decide to build my own personal website one day. =) So love to all of you every person I promote, every topic I discuss it is purely out of love and straight from the heart and hard work but that I enjoy. Most of all my readers you are all apart of me, whether if you know me personally, you know how much I put my heart and efforts in to this, and those who may just be a stranger, or acquaintance you're apart of the HBS crew too. so hugs, smooches, bacios, and besos. Chloe J. Riccardo aka "Honey Brown Sugar"! To the next 7 years and beyond...there's more to discuss always.

 

"Klassy, Kurvy, Khloe shows us how to feel comfortable with our skin inside and out"

She will be in New York City November 3rd, 2015 signing books for Barnes & Noble

To write about Khloe Kardashian for me is an honor and extremely excited to be discussing one of my favorite Kardashians. Along with their mother , Kristin “Kris” Jenner (nee Kardashian) who I think is an incredible businesswoman. All 5 daughters (Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Khloe, Kendall Jenner, and Kylie Jenner the youngest of the 6 of them) and Rob Kardashian  have gone on to be majorly successful with the help of their reality television series, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”.  Each of them has developed their own marketing brands and developed products that have made them extremely wealthy, profitable, marketable, and successful people.  They have gone on to develop and create fashion lines, perfume fragrances, make cameo and appearances at 5 star restaurants, like Tao Las Vegas, Sugar Factory, and many others. Then they have also developed and wrote books together and separately.

The Kardashians truly know what they are doing they know how to build someone’s image and make you remember them leaving a strong mark. I believe Khloe will do the same with her brand new book she wrote two other books with her sisters, Kourtney and Kim called (“Kardashian Konfidential”). Now Khloe discusses how she has transformed and merged into this amazing goddess. She is beautiful period of course all of her sisters and mom are that’s without a doubt but she has revamped herself and pimped herself so to speak. Giving herself a completely new look and showing how hard she has worked on herself. From one Chloe to another Khloe I know what its like you want to transform to badly to be the best version of yourself. To be the person you have always wanted to become and I think she is on the road to even more success and breakthroughs. Let’s take it back a bit don’t you guys remember the first couple of seasons of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” how Khloe was on the first season like a comedienne, ruthless, outspoken, kind of like the wild child. Now of course as time has progressed we saw the softer side of her, her maternal side with her younger siblings, her pets, her loving and nuturing side toward her ex-husband basketball player, Lamar Odom. Now you see after their public divorce, and all of the crazy stories even recently this summer we have heard, with the support of her family, friends, and everyone close to her she has managed to bounce back again. She is even more successful and has managed to really create a name for herself even after all of the controversy and drama attached to the divorce.

She is releasing her book, “Strong Looks Better Naked” will be released this fall on November 3, 2015. Another book I will be adding to my shelves. I really need new shelves too way too many novels I have been trying to keep up with this year but that makes me 

Out with boyfriend being photographed coming from the gym it looks like shows she's dedicated for real. =) 

extremely happy that my fellow writers are working extremely hard to keep the craft alive and well. On that note she will be focusing on her lifestyle tips, healthy eating habits, focusing on what happens internally and how to transform everything to show it externally what worked for her. She is truly a dedicated and focused person she spends up to 2-3 hours in the gym daily and has taken on a more chiseled addition to her curvy 5 foot 10 inch frame. She is one of the taller sisters supermodel on the rise, Kendall is the tallest out of all 5 of them standing at 5 foot 11inches. Khloe will discuss what worked for her, how she came to terms with her body image issues in the past. Although I remember when she did the PETA campaign we clearly saw she was breaking through showing the world she didn’t care anymore she did even though terrified but took a huge challenge and embraced it all. I believe many women all over the world, different shapes, sizes, ethnic cultural backgrounds will be inspired by the book. That’s the powerful thing about be different you know there’s no one exactly like you ever. It’s always great to be the best possible you. Be healthy, be strong, have faith in yourself, your abilities, and you can make anything happen. I believe that’s the message of this book being comfortable within your skin and self from your hair, body, face, toes and all. So I hope you all will get this copy and for those who struggle with that personally I hope you will know no one is perfect not even those we think are cause at the end of the day no one will ever be. I hope you all will take the message and be healthier living your lives to be true to yourselves completely. For more information on Khloe’s book visit http://www.khloewithak.com , follow her on twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for more information. 

Photo from her Complex magazine spread this summer.

"Alicia Keys is back with new album on the way coming in 2016 and spokeswoman for Levi's jeans"

Performing this past summer (2015)

Swizz & A. Keys at the "Art off the wall" event this past summer.

Alicia with her newborn son Genesis, Egypt, Swizz Beats oldest son, and husband

From the Levi's campaign for women 

Performing her single "The Gospel" at the Blitz 

Told you I saw her twice lol!!! Well this is the second time at the Radio One Blitz event back in August of 2015 at Stage 48 in New York, NY

This was right before I headed inside to see the Swizz Beats and bringing Alicia as a surprise July 2015

Alicia Keys is back with a whole new look, brand new album, perspective after 3 years from her last album, “ that took off like a rocket with songs like “New Day”, “Girl on Fire” which has become a powerful anthem for young women and girls everywhere, and “Fire we make”.  She is now the one of the spokeswomen teaming up with Levi’s and sporting their 7/11 women’s jeans which I plan to wear. I have had the incredible privilege believe it’s a blessing watching one of your favorite celebrities really grow up before your eyes and just continue to put out album after album with pure strength, love, creativity, and never letting it slow them down, deter them, or even affecting their personality. She is genuinely one of the nicest people I have had the privilege of seeing and meeting. I call her my big sister in my head lol she and my other big sister, (Beyonce) lol are just five years older than me. So we’re right around the same age bracket and grew up in the eighties. Now with Alicia it’s different because I have seen her more in person than I have Beyonce. I have seen Beyonce in concert but never close up where I can steal a picture with her. Alicia I have seen her six times actually. I enjoy writing about her as well because it’s the easiest, it’s natural, and I can just pick right up where I left off with her career, life, and journey. So with her campaign for Levi’s I love how they have an African American woman on the cover, it showcases how Levi’s embraces women of all shapes and sizes. Also with her campaign it’s too fly of course, they shot it in downtown Manhattan in the meatpacking district it looks like. Of course with Keys being born and bred in Manhattan it reflects her history and her as a true New Yorker growing up here.  So I will tell you a little story before I go on to discuss her latest projects and what Mrs. Dean has been up to as well.  I saw Alicia Keys the first time at a recording studio I had just turned 21 and she just released  “As I Am” she was sitting doing an interview with now Power 105.1’s back then it was Hot 97 Angie Martinez and I couldn’t believe it. I was invited by my stepfather actually at the time. I froze nervous as hell I know I should have requested a photo but didn’t realize a few years later I would see her again. I saw her live in concert twice actually. “The Ladies First Tour” (2004) and at Radio City Music hall I had to do a concert critique and then seeing her again in person while I was working for Black Enterprise Magazine in October of 2011.  I saw her come in wearing the baddest panted leather black Christian Louboutin pumps I believe. She looked sweet and so fly actually and I just politely said hello. I was extremely nervous that day and didn’t want to mess up one bit. Seeing her in person was the greatest blessing ever. I just saw her again this summer but twice! Lucky girl I am believe me it’s like damn wow the closer I am getting I feel like I may meet this lady again in person one day. I saw her this summer twice first at the Brooklyn Museum where her husband performed for the Art and Beats show I believe. Then I saw her again at the Blitz 2015 performing for Radio One. I haven’t seen her perform live in a long time but I have no doubt I most certainly will. I think she’s taking some time off to enjoy her beautiful family right now. Alicia is a mother of two now to Egypt her first son now 4 years old and her youngest son, Genesis who was born in December of 2014. Talk about a blessing would love to see her have one little girl. You never know who would take after their mother. She’s an incredible artist and just a down to earth person at the Blitz she actually told us to shut the (beep) up! I thought it was hilarious she had me crying laughing. I couldn’t believe it cause you see this classy, sophisticated, and strong woman always when she is in interviews or doing live performances. I think Swizz is bringing out the aggressive New Yorker in her now. That was to funny.  That’s one thing I love about her and Beyonce honestly I just realized if it weren’t for them when I look back on my twenties, my teenage years, and now that I will be coming into my thirties it is a blessing to have had women like Alicia and her who are strong, empowering, and really show a great example for young women around the world. Sometimes we don’t realize the impact and it’s major believe me.  If it weren’t for songs that she wrote like “Women’s Worth”, “Girl on Fire”,  “Superwoman”, and so many others I think I probably wouldn’t have really learned the power to believe you have to value every inch of yourself from the inside outside completely. The women in my family like my mother, my two grandmothers, and great grandmother may have set the foundation on how to behave like a lady and woman but these women taught me how I should think and feel about myself completely. How I should be treated with their songs and lyrics. I think with that you want your daughters, sisters, cousins, nieces, and friends to aspire to that now. The image of women has changed vastly in this generation. Its great to know that we still have some positive role models who are beautiful, multi-talented, thoughtful people, and genuinely care about the world around them and want to give back completely. So with that I think that’s what her next album you will probably see a lot more growth on her next album cause she’s been through a lot these past four years since “Girl on Fire”. I can only imagine what she has in store next year.  I hope it will be wonderful and full of a positive journey and some feel good music. I would love to see Alicia take us back to the Songs in A Minor days. Where she put out hit after hit when she first came out. So let’s see….for more information on the lovely “A.Keys” visit http://www.aliciakeys.com and for more information regarding Levi’s and where to get your 7/11 jeans cause I will be getting mine and you will see for yourself very soon. Visit http://www.levis.com.