I have seen a lot of relationships
in my life and they have become very successful relationships. I always
wondered when you do something wrong for example you have a way to find a
solution and fix the problem right away. However, when you have relationships
that have existed for over 12 months or more how do you make those
relationships consistently work on a regular basis dealing with outside and personal
issues from day to day? What makes a relationship work, what kind of personalities
ideally work for each other? One thing I believe works for any couple firstly
is communication. That is something that should be a priority for both parties
involved. I believe we sometimes get caught up in the day to day. Especially
with more distractions cell phones, technology, personal and professional
distractions it’s easy to forget that we even are involved in a relationship.
Or we are investing our time into another person. Sometimes we often may need
to take a step back and look at the world through the other person’s vision and
perspective. This can work when the couple has been on let’s say 20 dates or
they have been together for 1-2 years. There’s a familiarity that develops and
you can get comfortable. That’s another important thing you want to feel
comfortable with this person which leads to the next trait trust. How can we
trust each other after being together for so long? How can we rely on one
another after a long period of time. Those are some important qualities to look
at in yourself and your partner. Appreciation for one another you hear the term
“He/She is taking you for granted”. For a couple who is very much in love this
should be effortless and not a thing to forget. For married couples who have
celebrated many anniversaries they probably have this thing on lock. You show
appreciation remember something they love to do, they love to watch a favorite
show, they remember a song you enjoy, a favorite author, a restaurant,
something special you both shared. These are things that you can encompass and
put into your relationship as well.
That is advice she told me is
important staying away from being bored with the other person. I will never
forget an old college friend of mine told me once she said, “You have to learn
how to keep it interesting don’t get bored”. I agree with her advice, as a
couple the two of you don’t want to get stuck in monotony and just continuously
have get this feeling of predictability. Yikes cause then we have big problem.
One thing I like when I was dating someone I remember a moment of them making
me feel shy, I remember the feel of being afraid to let the shield down. We
were on our first date and he asked me to sing something everyone knows I don’t
like to do in public. So I did and then we ended up doing a duet together for a
few minutes. I think it was a good thing
though like he was saying without verbally saying, “Yes, I am going to
challenge you”. Let me see what you can really do now. The feel of stepping out
of your comfort zone can be a great thing. It can be beneficial for the two of
you. It can allow the two of you to expand who you really are and what you need
to tap into yourself. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically help
build the two of you as a couple. We have to look at all of the things that we
have to work on as a couple to make our relationships stronger. My biggest
concern has always been losing myself. Am I going to lose myself when I am with
this person? I am fortunate I haven’t had to lose that side of myself. I never
wanted to stop being independent, I didn’t want to become a needy person, or
clingy. I tried to remember you are a person too, bring everything you have to
the table, but don’t lose what has made you become yourself. That means
baggage, flaws, personality traits, and everything that makes us who we are.
A great thing is finding things in
common and using our differences to become better too. If you have a lot of
things in common with this person your friendship and relationship will last a
long time. Perfect example my mother and stepfather have been together over 20
years a few things they have in common is they love music all types from
R&B, soul, oldies, classic, hip hop, and pop, their industries are
connected she’s in advertising and sales, him in marketing and promotion with
his own production company, they have the same love of food, and the same set
of family values. Now they don’t have the same views on everything my mother is
more liberal while my stepfather is more conservative on some issues. You see
what I mean differences even people I dated they may have considered me as an
idealist while he may be a realist and more down-to-earth. I am someone who
believes there’s a solution to every problem if we think things through
carefully. I am the “if there’s a will then damn it there’s a way” person. I believe
that’s what can make a relationship work make each problem into a problem the
two of you can solve. It’s better to solve it than being afraid and running
away. It’s as if the two of you are saying “I am scared, I am running, and now
I am giving up on you.” There’s a way to fix the problem and handle it.
Some may decide professional help
and counseling is best, outside help, I think that’s best personally, please
don’t involve your close friends and family when it’s not a serious issue. It’s
better to get professional help or outside help. Anything that may arise that is petty or
frivolous can be handled by two consenting, mature, grown, intelligent, and
educated adults they can handle by themselves. So that’s what it really takes
solving problems together, appreciation, a mutual respect for one another,
admiration. I really stress admiration we live in a world full of women and men
from all walks of life, different heights, shapes, backgrounds, experiences,
and can offer a variety of things to the table. Admiration and affection I
definitely think is something that will make a woman feel even more valued.
There has to be more of something than attraction to help keep that spice and
connection between a couple. From what I
have seen in Black Hollywood, successful black athletes, politicians, or every
day “Joes and Janes”. They have figured out a mutual understanding between them
and their girlfriends/wives/ boyfriends/husbands. They have figured out a way
to find something real, genuine, and subtract the things they don’t need in
their relationship as well.
You know I had to include this song too "Love on Top" by Beyonce (2011)
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