“Eligible Bachelors-Educated, Employed, and Looking for real love”

 

The clock is ticking I set a goal for myself I realized I want to settle down. I have wanted this for a long time I thought about it during college but I don’t think I was mature enough in the sense of responsibility back then. I was too young and I just didn’t think I was ready for that full commitment. I was having fun throughout my late teens and twenties. Plus the men I was meeting they were either too young or too much older than me at that time. I dated I believe every woman you need to date a bit before settling down go on multiple dates group dates and solo dates are a must to really get a sense of who they are and who you are too. I truly believe these past 31 years god knew what he was doing when it came to me. He knew I need to shape her a bit more and get her emotionally, spiritually, and mentally ready. I was ready in the sense of taking care of a home, preparing a home, entertaining, cooking. I have been cooking since I was 10 years old so I was already ahead of the game. For me I have been through a lot of personal situations that I needed to go through for myself in order to truly grasp what it would be like when I am completely committed. Also after seeing my friends, my family members get married and engaged. I realized life would be slightly different in some areas but overall it would be the same. It’s just I would have another family to be responsible for, to care for, another family member to account for, another person I would need to look after but this person is going to be the center of my world along with our children too.            

            I have noticed a lot when it comes to successful relationships and unsuccessful relationships that are long-term. The people who are successful they did their homework, they knew who they wanted to be with, they took the time to learn about the family, their friends, and they invested time, commitment, they communicated their feelings, and they wanted to build a family with the person they chose or wanted to marry down the road.

            I realized that what happened with some of the people I dated some of us didn’t do our homework we didn’t really invest, yes we were attracted to each other, we wanted to maybe have kids down the road, but we didn’t invest completely, we weren’t treating each other completely fairly (at least that’s the impression I got from them), we didn’t build. I can honestly tell you a few things that may surprise you…..I have been on dates right but not a date that was really romantic, one where a person invests (it doesn’t have to be expensive) but I mean one where the person really looks out and asks you what you like. I feel like the last date I went on the person just kind of settled for whatever…..they didn’t take the time to invest. We didn’t really make something beautiful or memorable. We went to a chicken and rib spot that’s pretty popular in New York City in Times Square and that was it. I am not complaining but I am just saying when you are dating you are supposed to ask questions. What do you like, then you go with the action here’s a perfect example “Ok he likes Japanese food….he likes comedy….he likes bowling.”  Now while I enjoy all three of those things….then we would compromise “Okay we can go to a Japanese restaurant with really fresh sushi and seafood dishes, we can go to an early comedy club, and go a couple of rounds at the bowling alley” That’s a proper date, you are investing time, you are forced to communicate, and you are getting to know someone it’s not a quick movie (I think movies should be reserved after you have had maybe more than 10 dates). That’s when you both are comfortable with each other. So I realized I need someone who wants to invest their time, commitment, and more. I would do the same thing too.

I also realized I wanted someone I can wake up to and rely on in tough situations, tricky situations where I need a comforting shoulder, support, or just advice and words. Someone who could be there with me when it’s early in the morning, I am getting dressed for work and let’s say my zipper is hard to reach on my dress, my bracelet I am wearing needs to be snapped, or I need help carrying the groceries because it’s too much. I wanted that moral support I realized it one morning getting ready for work a couple years ago and I got so angry I was like damn, “This is crazy I really need someone to help me with this dress. I think it might be time for me to settle soon.” It’s not about the dress…remind you it’s not about the dress its about the action and having a man who I love who is reliable who would do those small things for me when I don’t have a roommate, friend, or family member around. I thought to myself wait a minute something is happening here…it was like God’s little way of saying you may need someone around you. You might need to settle soon when it happened again recently I realized ok yeah I think it might be time in the very near future.

I want to make this next point very clear I am not asking for a flunkie, or a personal assistant. A flunkie is a “Yes Person” they will do anything and everything for you or someone who you pay to run your errands. That’s not what I am asking for I am asking for that emotional, moral, and spiritual support when let’s say I am at the doctor’s office and I am nervous I need to know you’ve got my back, or if a family situation comes up you will be there for me, or if God forbid I got a flat tire and I am on the highway who’s going to be there aside from Triple A and the tow truck to have my back.

            So I am sure some people wonder well what do you have to offer in a relationship? What can you bring to the table…..well gentlemen I don’t just have a plate of hot food to bring I have a whole buffet. That means I have a lot to offer to the table and to bring to you that will make us both happy and benefit from the relationship too. I am a college educated born African American woman, I grew up in New York City, Washington, D.C., and Jersey City, New Jersey. I have traveled the world, I have seen many things, been exposed to a lot, I don’t smoke (never have never will), never done any type of street drugs, I’m Catholic (I have been baptized twice), I am not a perfect Catholic/Christian but hey I know my faults, my mistakes, and I always pray to make sure that I forgive myself and others too. I am a Democrat as well and I consider myself to be pretty liberal too. So there’s me…see those are things that I believe people don’t discuss before they get married, some people don’t discuss family and your personal traditions, customs, values, what they are against, and what they are for too. These are things that will shape you into becoming  the family you both will be.

            I invested a lot of time being alone, dating, I realized that I may need to be more attentive, more disciplined, more strict, I can be loving, but most of all I needed to make sure I developed and toughened my forgiving skills. There were going to be some days where as a couple we will both be tested and you have to know how to forgive too. How to not badger each other but be uplifting and supportive to one another.

I wonder though where are the real eligible bachelors (I don’t mean the television show I love that show but I am looking for a guy who doesn’t want instant fame unless he may already be famous)….where are those hardworking, loving, grown educated men (ages 29 to 40) who are ready to settle and be committed, I have seen successful long term relationships with couples of every ethnicity and background. I just saw a beautiful African American couple who have three children and have been married for 47 years, Wanda and Marvin Robinson who I saw on http://www.blackbridalbliss.com and it made me so inspired by their love and commitment to each other.  I have seen other long term relationships too my great-grandmother married to her last husband for over 25 years, my other friends were together for longer relationships too so it is possible its all about knowing who the right person is for you and what works for your lifestyle and who you truly are too. Trial and Error works but that can be exhausting too. I think instinct, recommendations can help too and knowing what you like too.
 That I realized that it is possible for anyone to find that love and devotion as long as you know exactly what each of you wants. They made me see that it is possible, stop believing that it’s not but that you have to invest the time, be willing to fight, and no when it really is the right person too. I am not discriminating against any background I have dated Black men, Caribbean men from Jamaica and other parts of the islands, Puerto Rican, Indian American, and I am not opposed to a White Chocolate swirl either. So whatever comes along and however God made him I am hoping that he will be ready, mature, and focused on taking that step as well. 

So for me I want to wait until I graduate from graduate school I am planning to attend and I thought you know what if I am smart, do my “homework” my real homework for my classes and my love relationship homework and discipline, rely on my faith a bit more, then I will get there and after I graduate and settle into work (unless I am already working which I probably will be working already) then I will be completely ready to marry and take that next step with that great eligible bachelor. So where are the "Good Guys or Good men at?"So I dedicate this song to the good men out there who are still looking for their queen. Ne-Yo's new single "Good Man".  I have learned it is a journey and it's one that everyone who has to had to fight for love to go through becoming a great man and a great woman. 

Good quote right meaning the struggling bachelor all he wants is a good meal and a good woman....hmm?