I had a conversation today with my mom as we were on our way to church about Handsomeness and about the future. Wow....I wasn't expecting it but it gave me a chance to clear my head about some things going on and figure out what I want now.
She told me a woman told her once when you have reached a certain age as an adult figure out what you want.
I cannot front, I cannot lie either....I would be denying myself if I didn't think about what I really want actually.Why have I forgotten my feelings actually...the dream I had for myself as a young woman with a man who really is into her....not just into it for his benefit only. I can't believe it...wow I feel like a part of me has been a bit confused...maybe I let too much of my heart get into it...I don't know about handsomeness anymore.
I want to be with someone who would share their life with me. A person who would be willing to meet my family and friends. A person who would he would be open to my story, my journey, and he would understand what I am about. This thought has been creeping in the back of my mind for a couple weeks though like..."Girl, you better get out of this fast..." I don't know but then my heart keeps saying....just be friends for now....put a lock on everything your feelings, everything no intimacy.
I have always wanted to be a relationship with a person who I know this person can share my world too.
At the same time....I am stuck as hell. I can't even get my thoughts right...I am usually on it but now I am like oh shit...what happened? What happened to what I used to want...I think I forgot not forgot but just put it more to the back burner cause I am still looking for more work first before I take that next step.
That's not good right when you forget what you have been wanting all these years. Not a good look for me. What I am saying is if a person does not know what they want in their love life...that will tear you apart. It will make you almost forget who you are. I have to get some clarity a bit. I want...to be with someone who is proud, not ashamed, open-minded, tall, handsome of course...I am not really going to just settle and I am not going to be too picky you cannot be these days. I have to be practical...but something in my soul is like girl move on....do what you want and move forward. I still want this guy in my life though...I really do cause he's not terrible lol....but I get the feeling he may not really want I want too because I am not sure if he's just saying it so I can be all giddy and happy like a five year old....or just of course to try to win me over intimately....I don't know I get mixed feelings with this guy but I know I gotta follow my instincts...concentrate on my work....let's see how it all plays out. I know what I want I guess I need to be more honest or more open....maybe I should hit up some clubs when I feel emotionally strong enough, mentally ready, and financially ready. I will get back to that again.
HBS....wants a life of her own...
She told me a woman told her once when you have reached a certain age as an adult figure out what you want.
I cannot front, I cannot lie either....I would be denying myself if I didn't think about what I really want actually.Why have I forgotten my feelings actually...the dream I had for myself as a young woman with a man who really is into her....not just into it for his benefit only. I can't believe it...wow I feel like a part of me has been a bit confused...maybe I let too much of my heart get into it...I don't know about handsomeness anymore.
I want to be with someone who would share their life with me. A person who would be willing to meet my family and friends. A person who would he would be open to my story, my journey, and he would understand what I am about. This thought has been creeping in the back of my mind for a couple weeks though like..."Girl, you better get out of this fast..." I don't know but then my heart keeps saying....just be friends for now....put a lock on everything your feelings, everything no intimacy.
I have always wanted to be a relationship with a person who I know this person can share my world too.
At the same time....I am stuck as hell. I can't even get my thoughts right...I am usually on it but now I am like oh shit...what happened? What happened to what I used to want...I think I forgot not forgot but just put it more to the back burner cause I am still looking for more work first before I take that next step.
That's not good right when you forget what you have been wanting all these years. Not a good look for me. What I am saying is if a person does not know what they want in their love life...that will tear you apart. It will make you almost forget who you are. I have to get some clarity a bit. I want...to be with someone who is proud, not ashamed, open-minded, tall, handsome of course...I am not really going to just settle and I am not going to be too picky you cannot be these days. I have to be practical...but something in my soul is like girl move on....do what you want and move forward. I still want this guy in my life though...I really do cause he's not terrible lol....but I get the feeling he may not really want I want too because I am not sure if he's just saying it so I can be all giddy and happy like a five year old....or just of course to try to win me over intimately....I don't know I get mixed feelings with this guy but I know I gotta follow my instincts...concentrate on my work....let's see how it all plays out. I know what I want I guess I need to be more honest or more open....maybe I should hit up some clubs when I feel emotionally strong enough, mentally ready, and financially ready. I will get back to that again.
HBS....wants a life of her own...
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