My Twenties ….Love Life Lessons I learned from 2006-2016

This is me at 21 in my Torch Student Office Bergen Community College I loved those boots lol!!! This has to be March 2007 I was a staff writer for the paper

Doing one of my temp jobs for Kelly Services in the city WOBI business event and at the place I graduated from Radio City Music Hall Fall 2014 age 27

Me now!!!! NYC age 29 Fall 2016

This year Summer 2016 age 29

My twenties I have talked about this before. I talked about the experiences and what you go through and how you try to find yourself. I am trying to remember back to this time cause it was a big moment for me cause I was really finding myself and what I needed to do and what was going to make me more attainable in the job force too. 2006- I was in my second year at Bergen Community College. I was working on my associate’s degree in Journalism actually during this period. I remember this time because a lot of things were happening.  I also became a staff writer during this time I remember my intro to journalism and my former English writing professor, Professor Berkowitz was trying to persuade me into writing for the school newspaper. At the time I was really unsure I was a little shy during this time about opening myself up to my writing because I wasn’t sure if my skills would be great enough for the student newspaper.

My dear best friend, Marisa had transferred over into a new college, Rider University as well to major in languages. She was moving to south Jersey so that changed the dynamic of our friendship a little bit. It made us tighter though too It actually worked out really well for me. It provided me with a challenge. A challenge that would open me up and I can break out of my shell. I kind of used Marisa as a bit of my crutch I think we both did during college. We were stuck like glue but hey it kept our bond strong as ever. She has always been apart of my life since when we became teenagers and adults.

As I look back I have to laugh at myself. We had a lot of fun moments but also moments that made me realize Chloe you can do this stop holding back. Let it go and just jump in to showing what you’re made of as well. I met some wonderful people during this time. People who opened up doors for me I met a few guys who I dated actually.   I believe joining that newspaper it improved my skills with the help of the whole office team. This broke me out of my shell completely. I remember feeling a sense of pride like this is what I should be doing with my life. At this time the school really exposed me to a whole different world. I remember going to the Catskills in New York for Leadership weekend, going to Pearl River, New York for The Torch Student Retreat.

                I am grateful for those memories and times because it opened doors for me it taught me how to turn a situation around. It also taught me choosing what you deserve versus settling for just mediocre. I was supposed to go somewhere else. I was supposed to go to Hudson Community College.  I remember telling my mom when we were checking out schools/colleges together. “It looks like a prison on the outside” mind you I was 17 at the time and searching for colleges in hot August 2004. I can laugh now cause I was judging by the appearance but I just knew in my heart this wasn’t the right school for me to get my degree. It wasn’t actually they never had my major or what I would be studying either. So I winded up going to a place that was more fitting for me and actually ended up helping me become a more successful student during that time.  I remember this year very well 2006- I actually began dating a lot more my love life picked up even more after high school into college around this time. I met about six different guys who would have an impact on my love life during this time.  The first guy I began dating in the summer of 2006 was Joshua Rivera he was my best friend, Marisa’s (her husband now) his cousin. He was sweet, charming, and affectionate I remember he was a year younger than me actually. Really handsome Dominican, with hazel eyes, long dark brown hair, about 6’3” I have a picture of me and him on the beach out in Sandy Hook, New Jersey. He and I at the time didn’t stay together long because Joshua I come to realize was interested in having children a lot earlier than I realized. So we always remained friends and when I do see him from time to time always remain polite. He went on to have a beautiful little girl and dating some other people.

 The next person who entered my life was Airian Cook he was an inspiring R&B singer, songwriter, and I have to laugh because Airian and I from the beginning probably shouldn’t have been together. I was 6 years his junior I was 19 at the time and I met him across the street from my  old apartment in Jersey City by Newport Mall. I was going into FYE Entertainment store to buy a Christina Milian cd actually and here comes Airian working he was a salesman in the store. He walks over we begin talking and I remember him being handsome and charming. I think he was 26 when he and I  met. It wasn’t about the age difference so much for me. It was the lack of respect with him, just things I noticed about him that weren’t very cool. He was disrespectful even about my own mother and that I couldn’t go for at the time. So we stopped speaking.  He was a fun guy, a bit of a bad boy too, tattoos, piercings too. He just lacked that respect towards me though.

The next person who entered my life I knew him for about a year actually he was a friend of my late dear friend Kaisa. She met him first and only went out with him maybe once and just talked briefly. I don’t think she wanted to date him once she found out what he was really about and his background. Remember again when I tell you this story I was young, I was 19 at the time, and my life was just beginning really.

This was a long time ago….anyway so we began dating in the fall of 2006, I was getting to know him and I just thought he was charming, cute, he had a British accent! Nick was Indian-American, originally from Miami, Florida and had actually lived in London with an aunt of his and then returned back to Jersey to find a place on his own. He lived with his sister for a little bit and had his own place. I remember this because he invited me over a couple times too. He later moved into my building! How lucky am I was so excited he lived with his roommates on the twelfth floor and I was on the 20^th floor. Nick became special to me in a way I loved how he treated me actually. He always kissed my cheeks telling me :"I love your cheeks" lol . He knew that I was serious about my education, getting my degree, and that I wanted a life where I would fulfill my purpose too.

I love that he wanted to treat and spoil me like a princess too. He actually did we went out a few times and he celebrated my 20^th birthday with me as well. We had a great time with each other but one night when I snuck down out of my apartment in Newport to see him. I discovered some things I wasn’t too crazy about. I questioned myself and I realized I didn’t want this around me either. I am telling you God was looking out for me seriously around this time. I kid you not cause some crazy things could have happened to me. I was a little rebellious and adventurous around this time. I wanted to discover and try new things during this time. I was in his bedroom and I remember him telling me he had to earn a way to get extra cash and he needed to support himself. It’s funny what you are attracted to and apparently I began dating “the bad boy” he had a tattoo on his shoulder. He told me he was selling cocaine and he even showed it to me at the time.  I saw it and never tried it no….I never have but I discovered that I had to get away and fast. My father also told me you need to let him go, he told me on the phone about 2 months after we began dating, “Chloe, please if Gina (my mother) found out (about Nick selling drugs) you can’t stay with him”. I took my father’s advice and the next day I was at my college, Bergen Community,  I remember I was in my Torch newspaper office having a lunch break and I called him up on my cell phone, and told him “I can’t do this….” He said “I had a feeling you were going to say that”. We broke up because the simple fact I couldn’t be with someone like him. I have to be honest…we did get back together about 2 years later. After that we couldn’t anymore…we really stayed apart and never communicated with each other again. I haven’t seen him in 8 years. The lesson here is obvious we wanted different things he wanted to go back to school but took an easier approach to life for making money and supporting himself. I didn’t want that around me and I didn’t want to get sucked into that world either.

The next person I met was at my college….here comes Wayne!!! I met Wayne Hargrove he was about 5’10 dark brown skin, abs for days, he loved to work out in the gym and do martial arts. I remember him picking me up literally and carrying me all over the dojo. We drove over and he took me to his dojo and I met his sensei who was one of his biggest influences too so I met Wayne in the fall of 2006 in my contemporary and moral issues class.  I remember this well because he and I were crazy about each other. I remember us genuinely wanting to support one another. One of my girlfriends did not want me to be with him during this time. She thought he was too mature for me at the time. I didn’t care though there was something about the two of us together we just clicked, we are both Scorpios, both family-oriented, we actually wanted a family together too (4 kids!). I at the time was too young because I was 19 and he was 29 going on 30. We couldn’t because I think we wanted two different things also. I was still a kid but I think if we stayed together I probably would have grown up way too fast. I wouldn’t have seen all of the things I did too. We were together for a few months. We broke up I remember him driving me home from college one day. There was a song on the radio by one of my favorite singers called “Irreplaceable”. You know who she is and I am singing teasing him singing “To the left…to the left” and I was totally joking around but for some reason it’s funny. About a few days later right around Valentine’s day 2007 we broke up…I remember getting emotional, my mom coming into my bedroom comforting me and holding me. She actually took me out that night for dinner I remember. We broke up and I had to move forward I did but I also had to look inside to see what I needed to work on as a person too….so the next person. Oh I should probably tell you what happened to Wayne. We saw each other a few years later in 2010 after I graduated from college but we couldn’t make it work though again we caught up and I am glad. As many of you know wound up going to Hunter College. He actually moved to Brazil! He’s doing martial arts over there and he had a few family situations happen but I am sure Mr. Hargrove is just fine and probably is having a great life.

Now after Wayne I dated a few other people after 2006 obviously but during this time but I can tell you during that year I always felt that was a special time for me because it taught me about love and falling in love with someone special. A piece of me wanted to be like my parents they met in college in the late 1970s in 1977 so I always thought that what if I met someone in college. I did date quite a few people but I am glad that during time it. Who were the other few people my nosey readers lol!!!! ( You know who you are)…

If you read my blog after 2007 before I graduated I was seeing one person his name was Moses. Yes I heard jokes and everything I used to like Moses he was a staff writer on the newspaper, smart as a whip and actually really charming. He’s Nigerian, well educated, he was about 6 feet when I met him. We were buddies in the beginning but I was really interested in him. I think the reason we couldn’t be more serious was our paths and opportunity. I found out He is great I found out he actually went to works at a hospital which is perfect for him. He’s actually really talented and smart he could do a comic book if he wanted to and also tell you how to solve a medical problem too. He’s married and I am very happy for him. I always remember one thing he told me. “Whoever ends up with you is going to be a really lucky and special man. He better treat you well”.  I always remember that and he’s right! I agree!

So who did I date after Moses…here comes “Joel” his name Joseph Kelvin Barnes….lol my parents remember good old “Joel” how did we meet lol…I have to laugh wish I had pictures of him they are probably out there in internet land I am sure. I met Joel in the beginning of 2008 I was in Hoboken, New Jersey at Bahama Mama's with my girlfriend Karen, Marisa, and a few other people. I just remember Karen pushing me into him on the dance floor after I was drooling over him. I thought he was cute, he was about 6’2 he was cute, charming, quiet, Joel was shy sometimes a little around me. He was someone I couldn’t get too serious about though. When I look back he was someone I was kind of passing the time with think. We just liked having a good time, he met my friends, They liked him but I think the connection wasn’t deep enough yet. He was someone I couldn’t bare my heart and soul to though. We just had a good time and had fun but he was a good boyfriend. He brought me flowers when I graduated from college, picked me up from school, and we did go out a few times. I think he liked to make excuses though for certain things. So for that the lesson it is no matter what happens if they love you make them work hard for your love. Joel and I stopped talking I believe the summer of 2008 actually. He was supposed to go to a Hot 97 Summer Jam concert with me and I was so pissed at him because he couldn’t make it he was stuck in Pennsylvania at his family’s house. So we ended it there.

 

 

Who did I date after Joel I met a guy named David who was cute but nothing long-term we just had fun.…I didn’t get serious with anyone not until the fall of 2009 so I was single for a while. I wasn’t really looking at anyone I was focused on my classes, graduating and trying to get out. There was someone I was very close with too actually. I met this person when I first got to Hunter. We met during a field trip I was going to the Sony Technology Museum on Madison Avenue this was in the fall of 2007. I was about 21 when we first met. We were really good friends his name was Rashaan Doctor. Rashaan and I spent a lot time together we were really close, he taught me about how strong I am and how I can handle certain situations on my own. We would always spend time together in his office during my breaks between my classes. He worked in the IT Department he was a former student too. I believe he had a degree in Computer Science and Technology. Rashaan was handsome, short (he’s the shortest guys I ever dated we are the same height) he liked to work out, loved beautiful things when I say that I mean he loves and appreciates beauty.  He actually helped me get an article published in a magazine he was working on too. He helped me publish a article on Wendy Williams in a start up magazine called Fetish he was working on.

We were really good friends throughout my duration at Hunter and we were really close. Now what will I tell you about why we didn’t make it long term. We didn’t make it long term for a few reasons. Rashaan had a wandering eye, you see what I mean by he loved beautiful things right, meaning he loved and adored beautiful women. Which is great I loved that he was a guy’s guy but a bit of a nerd too. Yet he didn’t value me the way that I wanted him to though. I remember the walk home one day. We walked together in the spring of 2010 to his apartment, we took the train to Harlem. He and I were just talking making conversation and I knew something was going to happen but at the same time I don’t think it really should have. Rashaan said something to me that to this day still haunts the living crap out of me but I always remind myself it happened for a reason. We were talking about kids and our futures. He told me something that I thought was kind of crazy but I always wonder in my mind why didn’t you stop yourself….maybe I was trying to fill a void at this time. At this time I was talking to an old childhood friend of mine too at the same time. I thought this person and I would get to know each other but he was focused on his music career. I remember Rashaan said “I would never have children with someone who wears glasses and contacts.” I should’ve walked out of his apartment and ran down the stairs. I stayed because one I had a glass of wine, two I needed a fill a void at the moment, plus it was late at night I didn’t want to take the PATH train home, and I already knew he and I aren’t going to be together in a relationship we are better as great friends. So that was that….some people you aren’t meant to be in a relationship with I learned the lesson and I am okay with that. Who wants to be with someone who’s not willing to accept all of you as a person.

 

So from 2010-post college who did I date…well  for that story I don’t need to tell just go back to 2011-2016 in my blog and you’ll find out You all know about "Handsomeness" that saga and how it ended. So the lessons I learned were to value yourself, tolerate no excuses, work hard for the love you want and deserve, and make the person a priority. I also learned take chances and open yourself up because you don’t know what’s around the corner. So now I am approaching 30…I will take all of these lessons and pass them along. Especially to my younger audience who reads my blog. I want to pass this along to the young girls and ladies dating. Treasure everything about yourself and learn about yourself. Sometimes the key to self-discovery is being willing to open yourself to new possibilities and baring your soul too.  My thirties I expect to have fun, but I expect things to be a bit more serious not just having a relationship with a physical side but really making a huge investment. You need to invest into the person and make sure they do the same for you as well. Getting to know each other's family members and friends more often. I met a lot of my old boyfriends family members that one thing I will suggest. Keep that going you discover a lot about them. You need to also see results of what you want  and have that connection. 

Now I am sure you all know my love story and saga continues but with this new person, Mr.Theo (Hi babe!) lol =) in my life. I am sure I will have more to share soon.

 

Here are some songs that I loved to listen to thinking about my old boyfriends back in the day....lol Some songs that inspired me to fight through love, passion, and pain, some I related to very well, and gave me ideas too.