Finding a healthy loving relationship

A couple "love songs" from 2016 I loved this past year.

Happy February and Happy Early Valentines Day 2017, Hello my dear readers I always miss you all when I don’t get a chance to write and just to kind of get it all out of my system I miss being able to tell you what’s going on.  I am single again yes I am and I am excited and happy but these past few days since it happened hasn’t been easy. First you cry, your pride is hurt, your heart hurts a bit, then you get angry, you indulge in Haagen Daas and Ben & Jerry ice cream (shout out to Ben & Jerry maybe you should make a “Break up with that Man” flavor or “Ditch that fool fudge and caramel”ice cream) and Chinese food, watch movies and television, and try to figure out what the hell is going on right now? Now honestly I have talked to you all about this person who I broke up with as well. Do you know honestly I feel he was hiding something a lot of things. He asked me several times to take down his photos on my blog….now first of all who is the author of this blog? I am for the past 8 years you all know I have sole control. Another thing after forgiving someone 5 times over the course of a year you realize hell yeah you did me a favor. I think I cared a lot and I wanted to be with him and make it work but after making a few sacrifices you begin to realize “no let him go”. I want to be in a relationship where I am sharing my life with someone especially now when I am in a place where I have a chance to do more things and have access to a lot more opportunities too. I am heading a good place but I need to get my love life in order completely. I feel like sometimes I wish I had a camera crew with me and a speaker phone maybe people could have observed some of my past relationships, and heard what was really being said, done, and what we talked about as well.  So what I decided to do was go talk to someone professionally and get an opinion from someone outside of my family and friends to find out what is going on. I have done this before I did this back in 2006 when I was 20 I took sometime for me for a few months. So I think it’s a great idea I need this I felt like this person was not reciprocating a damn thing at all! I shouldn’t have to work and put so much effort, go fly to Louisiana to go see you, making reservations for his birthday, going to see you when you forget it was my 30^th birthday. So I realized it’s over I cannot and don’t deserve to be with someone like that at all. It was mutual, it was easy, he still lives here in NYC, but I kind of knew this was going to happen once he got here he was going to want to see other people. Honestly, he shouldn’t have to at all cause I was going to give him everything. I don’t think he deserved it no he didn’t so the best thing for me to do is to move forward. The good news is this I don’t have to push anyone else to the side anymore, no more pushing anyone away anymore. I wanted to be a committed girlfriend and wanted to only be with him. I even bought a cheap ring with his birthstone (which I threw out I can always buy another one in case someone else I meet has the same birthstone but now I am going to upgrade real bling bling in the future). Anyway I just think now I know I need someone who’s going to be there for me in a way and really step up, calling, wanting to meet my family, my friends. My friends were so excited to meet my ex-boyfriend actually and I wanted to share him with everyone. The same way how I felt he was doing with me. Introducing me to his friends and I realize now I just need to be able to start fresh and new. Let me be the woman and let the man step up and make an effort. It’s funny now guys want you to approach them when I did that I have it can go either way. Either it backfires or it can go in a different direction. I think I need him to step up a lot more and for him to show me he really would value and appreciate me. What I am going to learn and what I want to learn is when I first learned about love, why was someone disrespecting me in some past relationships, what I can work on improving, and also finding out how do I stop repeating my mistakes this time. How can I improve myself and how will I be able to move forward to get to a better relationship in the future.

I have watched a lot of my childhood and high school friends fall in love, find people they were probably meant to be and people who love and value them. I have watched them get married and find happiness. Sometimes I wonder does it have something to do with demographics, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, personality, aggression, or other factors. Whatever it may be I am going to spend some time for the rest of the year figuring out how to improve my relationships and hopefully finding the man I am supposed to be with in the future too.  I have watched so many people take that step down the aisle, I have watched “Say yes to the dress” and all of these shows looking for that person and always dreaming and thinking who would be the person I would end up with. I know and believe it will happen but now I need to work on Chloe a little bit more before I get to the next step.  I also of course will be focusing on getting healthier again (I can still eat Haagen Daas and Ben & Jerry’s or Tres Leches Cake lol but I will be making sure to take care of myself as well).

 This is about building the next generations of Riccardos/Goldens I am my parent’s only daughter so it’s important for me to find that person and to get to that step I want to move and go into a healthier place and be in a relationship where I really feel happy pass the “honeymoon and I am so hot for you” phase. So stay tuned my readers the next few months are about to get really interesting now. What I want to figure out is how to get to get to that connection not just the physical side is easy I think for me its about building the intimacy side, the friendship, and the trust. How to we get to that good positive place and maintain it like all of these beautiful couples in the photos too. 

20th Anniversary of the film "Selena" celebrating her life, legacy, and her style.

In 1997 was a big year for me actually. I remember it pretty well because I was about 10 years old and I was on my way to coming back to New York. I was living in Washington, D.C.  at the time for about 6 years. I was introduced to a woman who’s story changed how I looked at movies, music, and her impact on pop culture and music history. I was about 9 when I learned about her story and the horrific murder that Yolanda Salvidar caused when the late Selena was killed. Now 20 years later Selena’s legacy has truly passed and left a huge mark in fashion, cosmetics, music, and pop culture.  In 1996 the idea of a Selena film coming to life was born it was presented by the family of Selena and they wanted to do a film in honor of their daughter and sister. They went through many casting calls  of Hispanic and American women to try to find the right woman to play the Mexican-American Selena Quintanilla Perez. The woman who would play the lead role of Selena and was cast was one of my favorite performers the Bronx Bombshell the goddess born New Yorker, Jennifer Lopez aka “J-lo”. This role is what catapulted Jennifer into becoming the artist/actress/ fashion designer/producer and performer she is today. She did her homework, she learned about the history of Selena, connected with the family, the music, the talents, and the soul and essence of who Selen

Suzette Quintanilla (Selena's sister and Chris Perez her former husband promoting the new MAC Collection that is still selling out as we speak!!!

a was as a person, artist, and woman. She developed into this character and she truly became who she was completely.  I think I loved the film it made me realize how someone so talented and gifted could make an impact in the music business.

Selena’s story was one I think reminds us how the music business has different parts to it. How you can expand your brand but also how sometimes we cannot always trust certain people within our brand and what we have built as a commodity.  Yolanda was supposed to be a friend, business partner, and confidante to Selena. She chose and trusted her during that time to expand her brand, connect with her fanbase, and those who supporter her behind the scenes. Their relationship was supposed to be close and a trustworthy one. No one of them knew that one of the closest people to her would be the one to end it for her. Now with that being said remember in this case justice was served to the Quintanilla and Chris Perez (Selena’s husband/widower). Her husband went on to remarry later and started a family of his own as well. Of course we all know with everyone else their careers took off and the story of Selena has been told to all of us around the world. Just this past year in  the spring of 2016 MAC Cosmetics released the Selena collection which sold out right away. It sold out so quickly to consumers it wasn’t going to be re-released until January 2017. Which shows the loyalty to her fans and their commitment to who she was as an artist. Even I fell in love with her as an artist when I was a kid and moved back to New York (well Jersey City) I wanted to be an actress and singer. I think for me it was about her powerful affect on her fans and everyone. So now that we know her legacy will live on and on a new generation gets to learn about her culture, music, and who she was as a person as well. Now a new generation of ladies will embrace her and will want to look just like her as well. I am sure this is probablywhat she wanted too.   For more information on the Selena collection for MAC visit http://www.maccosmetics.com and Selena visit http://www.q-productions.com, http://www.selenaforever.com, and http://www.loveselena.com

J-lo as Selena strong resemblance right? This is what catapulted her into the rockstar she is now.

The real Selena (1995)

Fall in love again with Beauty and the Beast

As a little girl I adored this movie. I actually have a movie of me at age 6 in 1992 sitting on my floor in my old apartment in Washington, D.C. watching “Beauty & the Beast”. I love the characters the adorable “Chip” the talking tea cup, “Miss Potts” the teapot, “Lumiere” the candelabra, “The Clock”, even the cute flirty featherduster, and of course Belle the main 

character. I loved the music, the story line, and of course at that age every little girl wants to be just like their favorite Disney characters adore her we both have something in common we wanted and expect more for ourselves, we love books and reading and going to a bookstore or library. I think I am still even at 30 trying to emulate them. Their humility, goodness, sweetness, kindness, and how they reflect women of this era and generation too.  My favorite scene growing up had to be “Be Our Guest” and of course the movie’s film theme song “Beauty & the Beast” sung by the amazing, the Canadian crossover diva/queen, Celine Dion. This time in 2017 Grammy award and Oscar winner, John Legend and American Music Award winner, Ariana Grande will perform a duet in  honor of the film.

            I remember I even wanted the enchanted rose and enchanted mirror that reflects and changes showing you visions of who you wanted to see. I think I even wanted the library that the Beast personally gave her as well.  You are instantly captured and wanted to fall in love with the movie. The story transforms you and takes you to a whole different world and you are rooting for the Beast and Belle to become a couple.

             Now with the 25^th anniversary coming up the movie debuted on November 22, 1991 and it hit box offices and earned over 425 million at the box office worldwide that year. The film did incredibly well and it became a classic becoming loved by many people for generations. Now next year on March 17, 2017 Saint Patrick’s Day weekend Beauty & the Beast will debut in theaters. After two years of production, they shot the film in Surrey, England and began in 2015 shooting. The internet has been going crazy predicting who would play Belle and the Beast. Now the cast has been revealed and it will star the following actors and actress. Emma Watson who is well known all over from the Harry Potter series she has been used to playing the fantasy characters and Harry Potter’s Hermoine. The film will also star, Dan Stevens as the Beast, Luke Evans, Kevin Kline, Josh Gad, Ewan McGregor , Stanley Tucci, Ian McKellen,  Gugu Mbatha-Raw, and award winning actress, Emma Thompson.

So finally we will all see this film come to life just like with Cinderella and hopefully we will see many other classics one personal request Aladdin would love to see the film come to life or even “Mulan”, “Pocahontas”, or “Princess and the Frog” would be pretty incredible.  A new generation of Disney fans will get to know the story and will also fall in love with the Disney characters, the music, the soundtrack, and so much more from the film. I also hope the little girls and boys will take away the most important message from the movie “Never to judge a book by it’s cover” and “You can also fall in love with any person who truly loves you, who will fight for you, and respects you.”  Also you can see Beauty and the Beast live in person the show is currently on tour right now. For more information on the film visit http://www.disney.com , http://www.beautyandthebeastontour.com

"Wake up and go see LaLa Land" biggest film of 2016

Hello my readers I am back! I have missed you all terribly. So now that 2016 is winding down I believe we should end on a positive note. We really all need a film like this now a days something to uplift and inspire us to look to the future these days.
Have you ever heard the term La La Land get your head out of "La La Land"meaning get your head out of the clouds. Actually La La Land is real and it's nickname is for Los Angeles, California. La La Land is a place that is being created in this visually stunning film . From the choreography, the costumes, the music, the cheerful optimistic vibe. Is one to put a smile on your face. The film stars "Emma Stone" ("Easy A", "Drunk Punch Love"), "Ryan Gosling" "Drunk Punch Love", "Drive" "The Notebook"), Grammy award winner and American music award winning, John Legend. Ryan is an aspiring jazz musician and Emma plays Mia an aspiring actress. They are both living in modern day California.

One thing I love is how it's a love letter to California I have always wanted to live there actually myself any part.  The heart of this film  shows the passion theater, music, dance, and acting.  You  see that these two are definitely triple threats. Ryan is actually in a musical band since 2007. He has been playing in a band called "Dead Man's Bones". So you see he wanted to venture out and show his talents. It showcases touches of old Hollywood classic films. It reminds me of films like " No Business like Show Business" , " Singing in the Rain" . Also dance sequences similar to films like Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astaire.  I haven't seen a musical like this since " Dreamgirls" or "Hairspray " where costumes, music, the script everything in the film is original, unique, and not to be duplicated. So you may want to grab a delicious snack and go see the Golden Globe nominated La La Land. For more information visit http://www.lalalandmovie.com

"Mr. Selfish"

As you all know I met Theo last year in New Orleans, Louisiana I met him during a time when I needed comfort, healing, and my heart was still hurting. Maybe the truth of the matter is I needed to completely heal from this person who I was still in love with at the time. I was trying to move on from someone I still had feelings for who I met in 2011. You all know the story my readers, I call him “Handsomeness” to you all but his real name is Deven Clarke. I moved on after I saw him last fall in 2015 and he told me he was not in love with me at all. He told me, “I deserved someone who would love me back”. I took this trip as an opportunity to meet someone new. I thought meeting Theo would be a chance to start fresh and new. Heal my heart and move to something else. It did I am grateful I have known him for a year now and it has been a great experience for me.  I did heal some emotional wounds and scars. It boosted my spirit it helped me realize its okay to keep taking some chances and just start over.

So what happened why has everything changed all of a sudden…well where we left off Theo moved back to Brooklyn, New York. Now we did see each other I went to go see him on my 30^th birthday two weeks ago and we spent some much needed quality time together. It was great to see him…but I am noticing a lot of changes  and my intuition is on a high power 1000 I know something is not right at all. I am just going to refresh your memory

on what happened….remember something I was not looking for anyone I was trying to heal my heart, I was on vacation, and I was not trying to pursue anyone at this time. Theo pursued and came up to me that night. Now one thing that impressed me the most was what he said to me.  The night he told me, “I feel like I am winning” I felt like a prize for once because he made me realize okay it’s all right I closed this chapter. I was completely honest with Theo about everything, I told him from the moment we met I am a writer, I am also a financial coordinator for Lord & Taylor ( at the time I was just temping), and he knew I always had been writing for a long time.  He was ok with it I even told him he was featured in my blog! (Now here’s the catch Theo wanted me to edit his full name and I did you’re welcome—jerk!)  Now another thing I thought that  I thought this would work is when he told me was moving back to Brooklyn he’s originally from Hanover, Jamaica and was raised with three other boys his older and younger brothers.  He had a pretty blessed, charmed life, college educated, and his parents were still together as well. He had a close relationship with his father too. That impressed the hell out of me the most and the fact that he was ambitious too. I thought great, he’s not some of the men I see on the streets, the men I hear who don’t want to strive and want to pursue their goals and dreams too. Now before I get too deep why am I calling him selfish?

I will explain further now…INCIDENT #1-The movie theater incident—we went to movies to go see “Concussion” and he flew in from New Orleans for three weeks for Christmas break…mind you he knew I lived here. He waited literally two days after New Years to come see me.  So we went to the movies and I remember looking at him and he is sitting there on his cell phone texting his friends telling them that he needed a ride back home and we were literally looking up at the screen and he said he had to go. I told him ok fine….so I told him I needed a ride as well to get back home. It worked out well I met his old friends and they lived a few blocks from my house and it worked out well.  I only saw him for a few hours and then he went back home.

INCIDENT#2- I got stuck in a tight jam and I needed just forty bucks to help me out and  I asked him to help me out. He ignored me asking, didn’t want to help me out, and I ignored him for 4 weeks!!!! Then he comes back to me talking about what’s up I went off!

INCIDENT#3- His birthday made birthday reservations at Nobu a five star restaurant for his 25^th birthday and this damn fool is running doing a marathon of interviews he claims.  I was going all out for his birthday pulling out the stops getting birthday presents, balloons,  Magnolia cupcakes (One I delivered personally in person and went to go deliver in person at the airport), and doing everything  to make sure he would be happy on his birthday.

So I forgave him during this time I took a break and turned off all communication and then he wants to come back in my life. Now I realize cut him off completely because Incident#4 pissed me off completely last night! 

Some songs for you to let you know...i am going to be just fine =) Goodbye!!!

INCIDENT#4-I am leaving my brand new office downtown in Manhattan I work in the financial district and I texted Theo early morning reaching out to him. He knew I wanted to see him and I told him, “I would come meet you” I am downtown with access to all trains. Then he decides “Well I am coming from work I am leaving at 4” he gets off work early. Then I told him I am leaving early too and then I headed uptown to go  change my clothes and get ready to see him. Mind you he knew I would come out there to go see him. He knew I was on my way and I made a trip to go see him. Calling and texting. I went out there and I knew you need to do this and see for yourself. Now I wish I had proof that it was more evidence of something happening but it’s ok I know now. He never picked up the phone after that 4 phone calls, 10 text messages, and then I cursed him out and told him “Whoever he or she is….i hope she is worth it.” LOL I know I am being harsh but I had to because whoever fucked up my night and whoever this person is….just know this he’s a fucking little ass boy and you’re not a real man. You won’t be until you learn to treat women with some fucking respect and decency. You really don’t know shit….All the best Theo….Good Luck god speed and remember Karma is a bitch! 

Sing along with the "Trolls" debuts November 4th

I was on my way to work and just realized how many animated films I have actually seen during my 3 decades. Some films not by choice but were all worth it, some I may have been curious about, and some are films I have loved for years like “Aladdin”, “Pocahontas”, “Snow White”, ”Happy Feet” (lol I still love Happy Feet I fell in love with Penguins!”), and even “The Princess and the Frog” ( I still want to be Princess Tiana as a grown up lol). You all may notice for an animated film it may take about two to five years to produce, animate, do voice overs, and more. The cast has to be set and auditioned for the role of who will play the character, will they match the personality and the look of the design, the character, and the film itself. There’s a lot that goes into every tiny detail. This is to make sure everything is absolutely accurate.

Do you remember the 1990s little I remember so many girls in my school had the dolls. These adorable small dolls with the bright eyes and cute little kewpie faces, colorful hair have become a well-known favorite toy and are loved by millions. They are cool, funny, spunky, hilarious, and every single one has some sort of interesting anecdote connected to their character. The film will star, multiplatinum solo artist (formerly of N’SYNC), Justin Timberlake (“The Social Network” (2010), “Friends with Benefits” (2011), and “Trouble with a curve” (2012). Three solo multiplatinum albums under his belt he will be starring as Branch in the adorable fun family film, and the Troll princess starring Anna Kendrick, "Get a Job" (2015), "Pitch Perfect", "Mike & Dave need wedding dates", "The Accountant", and "Table 19".

This cast is one you don’t want to miss talk about heavy hitters who have all been nominated for multiple awards: Emmys, Oscars, Golden Globes, and some Grammy Award winners. We have Jeffrey Tambor (“Tangled”, “The Grinch who stole Christmas”, “The Hangover 1, 2 and 3”), Russell Brand (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, and “Get Him to the Greek”) , Zooey Deschanel “New Girl”, “500 Days of Summer” (2009)“, Quvenzhane Wallis (“Annie”, “Beasts of the Southern Wild”, “The Prophet”) , internet superstar who has blown up within the last year, GloZell Green, singer, songwriter, Voice Judge coach,  actress, and former member of “No Doubt”, Gwen Stefani), and James Corden the host of “The Late Late Show with James Corden”) , Kunal Nayyar ("The Big Bang Theory") who will be starring and lending their voices to the cast as well.

I am very familiar with the cast and their projects, films, and television series they have been a part of for years.  This will be a diverse and interesting world for the Trolls who are having a battle of being eaten against an evil villain. The only thing for the Trolls I notice they all can sing! So with this musical fun-filled bunch you know you will be hearing songs being sung in your household by the Trolls. Visit http://www.dreamworks.com/trolls

James Corden

Russell Brand

Trolls today 2016 

The original Troll dolls of the 1990s

Gwen Stefani as DJ Suki

Ronald Funches as Cooper



Justin Timberlake with his Troll, Branch

Kunal Nayyar as Guy Diamond

My Twenties ….Love Life Lessons I learned from 2006-2016

This is me at 21 in my Torch Student Office Bergen Community College I loved those boots lol!!! This has to be March 2007 I was a staff writer for the paper

Doing one of my temp jobs for Kelly Services in the city WOBI business event and at the place I graduated from Radio City Music Hall Fall 2014 age 27

Me now!!!! NYC age 29 Fall 2016

This year Summer 2016 age 29

My twenties I have talked about this before. I talked about the experiences and what you go through and how you try to find yourself. I am trying to remember back to this time cause it was a big moment for me cause I was really finding myself and what I needed to do and what was going to make me more attainable in the job force too. 2006- I was in my second year at Bergen Community College. I was working on my associate’s degree in Journalism actually during this period. I remember this time because a lot of things were happening.  I also became a staff writer during this time I remember my intro to journalism and my former English writing professor, Professor Berkowitz was trying to persuade me into writing for the school newspaper. At the time I was really unsure I was a little shy during this time about opening myself up to my writing because I wasn’t sure if my skills would be great enough for the student newspaper.

My dear best friend, Marisa had transferred over into a new college, Rider University as well to major in languages. She was moving to south Jersey so that changed the dynamic of our friendship a little bit. It made us tighter though too It actually worked out really well for me. It provided me with a challenge. A challenge that would open me up and I can break out of my shell. I kind of used Marisa as a bit of my crutch I think we both did during college. We were stuck like glue but hey it kept our bond strong as ever. She has always been apart of my life since when we became teenagers and adults.

As I look back I have to laugh at myself. We had a lot of fun moments but also moments that made me realize Chloe you can do this stop holding back. Let it go and just jump in to showing what you’re made of as well. I met some wonderful people during this time. People who opened up doors for me I met a few guys who I dated actually.   I believe joining that newspaper it improved my skills with the help of the whole office team. This broke me out of my shell completely. I remember feeling a sense of pride like this is what I should be doing with my life. At this time the school really exposed me to a whole different world. I remember going to the Catskills in New York for Leadership weekend, going to Pearl River, New York for The Torch Student Retreat.

                I am grateful for those memories and times because it opened doors for me it taught me how to turn a situation around. It also taught me choosing what you deserve versus settling for just mediocre. I was supposed to go somewhere else. I was supposed to go to Hudson Community College.  I remember telling my mom when we were checking out schools/colleges together. “It looks like a prison on the outside” mind you I was 17 at the time and searching for colleges in hot August 2004. I can laugh now cause I was judging by the appearance but I just knew in my heart this wasn’t the right school for me to get my degree. It wasn’t actually they never had my major or what I would be studying either. So I winded up going to a place that was more fitting for me and actually ended up helping me become a more successful student during that time.  I remember this year very well 2006- I actually began dating a lot more my love life picked up even more after high school into college around this time. I met about six different guys who would have an impact on my love life during this time.  The first guy I began dating in the summer of 2006 was Joshua Rivera he was my best friend, Marisa’s (her husband now) his cousin. He was sweet, charming, and affectionate I remember he was a year younger than me actually. Really handsome Dominican, with hazel eyes, long dark brown hair, about 6’3” I have a picture of me and him on the beach out in Sandy Hook, New Jersey. He and I at the time didn’t stay together long because Joshua I come to realize was interested in having children a lot earlier than I realized. So we always remained friends and when I do see him from time to time always remain polite. He went on to have a beautiful little girl and dating some other people.

 The next person who entered my life was Airian Cook he was an inspiring R&B singer, songwriter, and I have to laugh because Airian and I from the beginning probably shouldn’t have been together. I was 6 years his junior I was 19 at the time and I met him across the street from my  old apartment in Jersey City by Newport Mall. I was going into FYE Entertainment store to buy a Christina Milian cd actually and here comes Airian working he was a salesman in the store. He walks over we begin talking and I remember him being handsome and charming. I think he was 26 when he and I  met. It wasn’t about the age difference so much for me. It was the lack of respect with him, just things I noticed about him that weren’t very cool. He was disrespectful even about my own mother and that I couldn’t go for at the time. So we stopped speaking.  He was a fun guy, a bit of a bad boy too, tattoos, piercings too. He just lacked that respect towards me though.

The next person who entered my life I knew him for about a year actually he was a friend of my late dear friend Kaisa. She met him first and only went out with him maybe once and just talked briefly. I don’t think she wanted to date him once she found out what he was really about and his background. Remember again when I tell you this story I was young, I was 19 at the time, and my life was just beginning really.

This was a long time ago….anyway so we began dating in the fall of 2006, I was getting to know him and I just thought he was charming, cute, he had a British accent! Nick was Indian-American, originally from Miami, Florida and had actually lived in London with an aunt of his and then returned back to Jersey to find a place on his own. He lived with his sister for a little bit and had his own place. I remember this because he invited me over a couple times too. He later moved into my building! How lucky am I was so excited he lived with his roommates on the twelfth floor and I was on the 20^th floor. Nick became special to me in a way I loved how he treated me actually. He always kissed my cheeks telling me :"I love your cheeks" lol . He knew that I was serious about my education, getting my degree, and that I wanted a life where I would fulfill my purpose too.

I love that he wanted to treat and spoil me like a princess too. He actually did we went out a few times and he celebrated my 20^th birthday with me as well. We had a great time with each other but one night when I snuck down out of my apartment in Newport to see him. I discovered some things I wasn’t too crazy about. I questioned myself and I realized I didn’t want this around me either. I am telling you God was looking out for me seriously around this time. I kid you not cause some crazy things could have happened to me. I was a little rebellious and adventurous around this time. I wanted to discover and try new things during this time. I was in his bedroom and I remember him telling me he had to earn a way to get extra cash and he needed to support himself. It’s funny what you are attracted to and apparently I began dating “the bad boy” he had a tattoo on his shoulder. He told me he was selling cocaine and he even showed it to me at the time.  I saw it and never tried it no….I never have but I discovered that I had to get away and fast. My father also told me you need to let him go, he told me on the phone about 2 months after we began dating, “Chloe, please if Gina (my mother) found out (about Nick selling drugs) you can’t stay with him”. I took my father’s advice and the next day I was at my college, Bergen Community,  I remember I was in my Torch newspaper office having a lunch break and I called him up on my cell phone, and told him “I can’t do this….” He said “I had a feeling you were going to say that”. We broke up because the simple fact I couldn’t be with someone like him. I have to be honest…we did get back together about 2 years later. After that we couldn’t anymore…we really stayed apart and never communicated with each other again. I haven’t seen him in 8 years. The lesson here is obvious we wanted different things he wanted to go back to school but took an easier approach to life for making money and supporting himself. I didn’t want that around me and I didn’t want to get sucked into that world either.

The next person I met was at my college….here comes Wayne!!! I met Wayne Hargrove he was about 5’10 dark brown skin, abs for days, he loved to work out in the gym and do martial arts. I remember him picking me up literally and carrying me all over the dojo. We drove over and he took me to his dojo and I met his sensei who was one of his biggest influences too so I met Wayne in the fall of 2006 in my contemporary and moral issues class.  I remember this well because he and I were crazy about each other. I remember us genuinely wanting to support one another. One of my girlfriends did not want me to be with him during this time. She thought he was too mature for me at the time. I didn’t care though there was something about the two of us together we just clicked, we are both Scorpios, both family-oriented, we actually wanted a family together too (4 kids!). I at the time was too young because I was 19 and he was 29 going on 30. We couldn’t because I think we wanted two different things also. I was still a kid but I think if we stayed together I probably would have grown up way too fast. I wouldn’t have seen all of the things I did too. We were together for a few months. We broke up I remember him driving me home from college one day. There was a song on the radio by one of my favorite singers called “Irreplaceable”. You know who she is and I am singing teasing him singing “To the left…to the left” and I was totally joking around but for some reason it’s funny. About a few days later right around Valentine’s day 2007 we broke up…I remember getting emotional, my mom coming into my bedroom comforting me and holding me. She actually took me out that night for dinner I remember. We broke up and I had to move forward I did but I also had to look inside to see what I needed to work on as a person too….so the next person. Oh I should probably tell you what happened to Wayne. We saw each other a few years later in 2010 after I graduated from college but we couldn’t make it work though again we caught up and I am glad. As many of you know wound up going to Hunter College. He actually moved to Brazil! He’s doing martial arts over there and he had a few family situations happen but I am sure Mr. Hargrove is just fine and probably is having a great life.

Now after Wayne I dated a few other people after 2006 obviously but during this time but I can tell you during that year I always felt that was a special time for me because it taught me about love and falling in love with someone special. A piece of me wanted to be like my parents they met in college in the late 1970s in 1977 so I always thought that what if I met someone in college. I did date quite a few people but I am glad that during time it. Who were the other few people my nosey readers lol!!!! ( You know who you are)…

If you read my blog after 2007 before I graduated I was seeing one person his name was Moses. Yes I heard jokes and everything I used to like Moses he was a staff writer on the newspaper, smart as a whip and actually really charming. He’s Nigerian, well educated, he was about 6 feet when I met him. We were buddies in the beginning but I was really interested in him. I think the reason we couldn’t be more serious was our paths and opportunity. I found out He is great I found out he actually went to works at a hospital which is perfect for him. He’s actually really talented and smart he could do a comic book if he wanted to and also tell you how to solve a medical problem too. He’s married and I am very happy for him. I always remember one thing he told me. “Whoever ends up with you is going to be a really lucky and special man. He better treat you well”.  I always remember that and he’s right! I agree!

So who did I date after Moses…here comes “Joel” his name Joseph Kelvin Barnes….lol my parents remember good old “Joel” how did we meet lol…I have to laugh wish I had pictures of him they are probably out there in internet land I am sure. I met Joel in the beginning of 2008 I was in Hoboken, New Jersey at Bahama Mama's with my girlfriend Karen, Marisa, and a few other people. I just remember Karen pushing me into him on the dance floor after I was drooling over him. I thought he was cute, he was about 6’2 he was cute, charming, quiet, Joel was shy sometimes a little around me. He was someone I couldn’t get too serious about though. When I look back he was someone I was kind of passing the time with think. We just liked having a good time, he met my friends, They liked him but I think the connection wasn’t deep enough yet. He was someone I couldn’t bare my heart and soul to though. We just had a good time and had fun but he was a good boyfriend. He brought me flowers when I graduated from college, picked me up from school, and we did go out a few times. I think he liked to make excuses though for certain things. So for that the lesson it is no matter what happens if they love you make them work hard for your love. Joel and I stopped talking I believe the summer of 2008 actually. He was supposed to go to a Hot 97 Summer Jam concert with me and I was so pissed at him because he couldn’t make it he was stuck in Pennsylvania at his family’s house. So we ended it there.

 

 

Who did I date after Joel I met a guy named David who was cute but nothing long-term we just had fun.…I didn’t get serious with anyone not until the fall of 2009 so I was single for a while. I wasn’t really looking at anyone I was focused on my classes, graduating and trying to get out. There was someone I was very close with too actually. I met this person when I first got to Hunter. We met during a field trip I was going to the Sony Technology Museum on Madison Avenue this was in the fall of 2007. I was about 21 when we first met. We were really good friends his name was Rashaan Doctor. Rashaan and I spent a lot time together we were really close, he taught me about how strong I am and how I can handle certain situations on my own. We would always spend time together in his office during my breaks between my classes. He worked in the IT Department he was a former student too. I believe he had a degree in Computer Science and Technology. Rashaan was handsome, short (he’s the shortest guys I ever dated we are the same height) he liked to work out, loved beautiful things when I say that I mean he loves and appreciates beauty.  He actually helped me get an article published in a magazine he was working on too. He helped me publish a article on Wendy Williams in a start up magazine called Fetish he was working on.

We were really good friends throughout my duration at Hunter and we were really close. Now what will I tell you about why we didn’t make it long term. We didn’t make it long term for a few reasons. Rashaan had a wandering eye, you see what I mean by he loved beautiful things right, meaning he loved and adored beautiful women. Which is great I loved that he was a guy’s guy but a bit of a nerd too. Yet he didn’t value me the way that I wanted him to though. I remember the walk home one day. We walked together in the spring of 2010 to his apartment, we took the train to Harlem. He and I were just talking making conversation and I knew something was going to happen but at the same time I don’t think it really should have. Rashaan said something to me that to this day still haunts the living crap out of me but I always remind myself it happened for a reason. We were talking about kids and our futures. He told me something that I thought was kind of crazy but I always wonder in my mind why didn’t you stop yourself….maybe I was trying to fill a void at this time. At this time I was talking to an old childhood friend of mine too at the same time. I thought this person and I would get to know each other but he was focused on his music career. I remember Rashaan said “I would never have children with someone who wears glasses and contacts.” I should’ve walked out of his apartment and ran down the stairs. I stayed because one I had a glass of wine, two I needed a fill a void at the moment, plus it was late at night I didn’t want to take the PATH train home, and I already knew he and I aren’t going to be together in a relationship we are better as great friends. So that was that….some people you aren’t meant to be in a relationship with I learned the lesson and I am okay with that. Who wants to be with someone who’s not willing to accept all of you as a person.

 

So from 2010-post college who did I date…well  for that story I don’t need to tell just go back to 2011-2016 in my blog and you’ll find out You all know about "Handsomeness" that saga and how it ended. So the lessons I learned were to value yourself, tolerate no excuses, work hard for the love you want and deserve, and make the person a priority. I also learned take chances and open yourself up because you don’t know what’s around the corner. So now I am approaching 30…I will take all of these lessons and pass them along. Especially to my younger audience who reads my blog. I want to pass this along to the young girls and ladies dating. Treasure everything about yourself and learn about yourself. Sometimes the key to self-discovery is being willing to open yourself to new possibilities and baring your soul too.  My thirties I expect to have fun, but I expect things to be a bit more serious not just having a relationship with a physical side but really making a huge investment. You need to invest into the person and make sure they do the same for you as well. Getting to know each other's family members and friends more often. I met a lot of my old boyfriends family members that one thing I will suggest. Keep that going you discover a lot about them. You need to also see results of what you want  and have that connection. 

Now I am sure you all know my love story and saga continues but with this new person, Mr.Theo (Hi babe!) lol =) in my life. I am sure I will have more to share soon.

 

Here are some songs that I loved to listen to thinking about my old boyfriends back in the day....lol Some songs that inspired me to fight through love, passion, and pain, some I related to very well, and gave me ideas too.