"Shooting towards being a star"

I was talking to my personal "Yoda" lol...I call him cause he gives me such wise, informative advice.  I thought about it a lot and then something recently woke me up inside and allowed me to realize my worth again, my dreams, my values, It woke me up to the point I realized where I realized at this point anything is possible in this life. I graduated, I went back to my school and actually felt proud and a sense of achievement. It did feel weird cause I only had a few friends in college. I had more friends in high school which is funny.  I was talking to Yoda and he told me something that reminded me of my passions.  I have decided to take a shot at some of my goals when I was little. I am going to record one song, try to be an extra in one show, and maybe shoot some photos. I have all ready completed my children's book. Now I can finish what else I have in mind and take a shot. So we will see I know too many people. I have also decided that now I will move on in my love life as well. Its time for Chloe to really take care of me too. I have been slacking a bit. I have to remember youth, beauty is not forever. I have to be able to keep my health, my energy, and my mind right in order to do this. God is with me I can feel it now and I know he's got a big plan in mind once everything comes together.

The Life of A Cell Phone

I have always wanted to do this blog entry call me silly, giddy, or crazy for writing this one but I thought it would be cute...before I get my next cell phone in the future.


I have had about seven cell phones since 2000 within a 12- year period that's crazy right. My very first phone was a light purple phone...but then later changed to a nokia. I went from a nokia navy blue phone to another small tiny blue nokia phone. Next a blue phone I think to another silver phone...I have lost 2 or 3 probably but as I got older my cell phones matured with me. I switched to T-Mobile in 2001 and then in 2009 I switched to AT&T I am a proud member for 3 years...lol Basically what I am saying is love and cherish your cell phone cause they become apart of you. Features are updated and changed all the time. You pick your cell phone based on functionality, popularity, quality, and of course price. A cell phone can probably last as long as four or five years. If properly taken care of it can last for years with battery changes.
Now for me I love my latest cell phone because it is a blackberry, simple easy to use and also because of the features I can connect faster than ever to the people I need too. 
Now one thing I notice just as humans...we have people come into our lives for a season and for a reason. Same thing with cell phones...they come into your life and help you connect with the world for your most important calls business, personal, and urgent. 
The life of your cell phone starts from the day you pick up your phone at the wireless carrier of your choice. Same as the first day a human meets its parents. Next you bring your phone home you purchase accessories, you get the battery charger when your phone gets overworked, busy=tired or hectic to humans.  Next your phone takes photos...the same as how we take photos with cameras...your cell phones takes photos storying memories on it's tiny memory card. The same way how humans have short-term and long-term memories. Next your cell phone comes with you everywhere almost like a little person...to work, home, grocery store, concerts  (it lights up at concerts just as how we light up and get excited listening to music ex: when your favorite singer says put your phones in the air). 

Next your cell phone sleeps with you...lol you need it to wake you up in the morning. You need it to get you to sleep some days. It becomes a friend of yours until it is time to find a new friend. LOL..basically the life of a cell phone is almost like a human life. So take care of your cell phones cause you just don't know when you need them the most. 

Not ready to let go yet

I am not ready to let  this go yet....how can I do this now!? I cannot let go of my feelings yet there are so many reasons why I can be mad I got upset for the wrong reasons. I think because I realized I did not want to be treated a certain way but now that I think about him.....he really is a sweetheart and actually he took up for me several times. Even when I mess up he manages to make me realize do not overstress.... I mean we will see I do not want to stop being friends with him. He's too sweet and funny....I just need to take some time out to date probably see what else is there and then if I know for sure I am ready we will see what happens. I am not in a rush just yet. I have a lot to do but I have to see....I think the universe even knows what is going on I got an e-mail From a new dating site today. So we will see....LOL That's pretty funny. LOL....will HBS be dating new men  over the spring and summer...I will see. I feel pretty busy so we shall see. Will there be a new person ...I still want to see though.
Being here makes me realize how much I want to do while I am here in nyc but I know I have to focus on the future. 

I am moving on.....

I thought about it long and hard...I cried and sobbed. Going over everything in my head. I looked at all my actions....all of my behavior. I realized I should back out...I am never going to do online dating, no more people hooking me up, I am going to move on. I am ready to move on....I am tired.
I don't want anyone involved at all....I am just going to move on and find someone new. I realize I can't deal with a man who doesn't want what I want either. I am going to be real with myself. I am 25 not twelve I am grown with a future to consider I can never wait around for anyone. I will never do that. It's not fair to me.
So when I have a moment...with handsomeness. I am going to tell him good-bye.
I also realize I have been denying myself a lot of things.
I am going to keep looking for a new job, a  school I want to go to and just move forward. There are 8.2 million people in nyc and close to 7 billion on the planet I am bound to find love somewhere else. So I am closing the chapter soon.

What HBS Really wants...

I had a conversation today with my mom as we were on our way to church about Handsomeness and about the future. Wow....I wasn't expecting it but it gave me a chance to clear my head about some things going on and figure out what I want now.

She told me a woman told her once when you have reached a certain age as an adult figure out what you want.
I cannot front, I cannot lie either....I would be denying myself if I didn't think about what I really want actually.Why have I forgotten my feelings actually...the dream I had for myself as a young woman with a man who really is into her....not just into it for his benefit only. I can't believe it...wow I feel like a part of me has been a bit confused...maybe I let too much of my heart get into it...I don't know about handsomeness anymore.

I want to be with someone who would share their life with me. A person who would be willing to meet my family and friends. A person who would he would be open to my story, my journey, and he would understand what I am about. This thought has been creeping in the back of my mind for a couple weeks though like..."Girl, you better get out of this fast..." I don't know but then my heart keeps saying....just be friends for now....put a lock on everything your feelings, everything no intimacy.
I have always wanted to be a relationship with a person who I know this person can share my world too.
At the same time....I am stuck as hell. I can't even get my thoughts right...I am usually on it but now I am like oh shit...what happened? What happened to what I used to want...I think I forgot not forgot but just put it more to the back burner cause I am still looking for more work first before I take that next step.
That's not good right when you forget what you have been wanting all these years. Not a good look for me. What I am saying is if a person does not know what they want in their love life...that will tear you apart. It will make you almost forget who you are. I have to get some clarity a bit. I want...to be with someone who is proud, not ashamed, open-minded, tall, handsome of course...I am not really going to just settle and I am not going to be too picky you cannot be these days.  I have to be practical...but something in my soul is like girl move on....do what you want and move forward. I still want this guy in my life though...I really do cause he's not terrible lol....but I get the feeling he may not really want I want too because I am not sure if he's just saying it so I can be all giddy and happy like a five year old....or just of course to try to win me over intimately....I don't know I get mixed feelings with this guy but I know I gotta follow my instincts...concentrate on my work....let's see how it all plays out. I know what I want I guess I need to be more honest or more open....maybe I should hit up some clubs when I feel emotionally strong enough, mentally ready, and financially ready. I will get back to that again.
HBS....wants a life of her own...

The Trayvon Martin case

I am sure many of you know what is going on with the Trayvon Martin case
It has been across mainstream media all month long and before this month ends and another month of blog posts come to you from me. I wanted to discuss my point of view. As a woman first it is hard to watch any woman lose her child, as a young person it touches your soul because he was so young and wll never have the chance to grow and continue his path making the his mark, living a normal American life, trying to find his dream, next as a black person I see the race card go up to the maximum. It is heavily involved here and everyone should involved. Next as an aspiring journalist/writer his story needs to be told because no teen should be shot. Stand your ground law or not it shouldn't take place. He unfortunately was caught in a bad situation wrong time, wrong place. I pray for justice for his family, that our judicial system will come up with a better law for that state. He wasn't a threat he was a minor walking the street minding his own business. I hope the story will have a better solution and people will have a way to make a victory happen.

Is it time to move forward...or just stick this out

I have been forgetting a lot of stuff... I guess cause I have moved on...I just realized a lot of these experiences I have been through dating or whatever else I did has prepared me for what I want in the future.
I am not going to lie...relationships, dating, and a lot more has been on my mind heavy. I keep thinking wow I am going to be twenty-six and I am approaching thirty soon. Jesus! lol I keep thinking about the fact I need my own place and car so badly. I am trying to focus on that...cause I need that first before continuing my journey. Sometimes being up here my little apartment gives me clarity to really think about my future, my choices,my mistakes, my flaws, my achievements, and where I am headed.
My career of course is important to me...however I realize I do want a family too. Not tomorrow but soon in a couple years...I think I am going to leave behind everything...the young party girl, the woman-child, and the mommy & daddy's preemie princess. I think I am going to leave it behind cause soon I would like to take my next journey. I feel like I have four empty roads infront of me with each road posting  one large destination green sign says "Planning for the future Family and Marriage", "Career as a Producer/Writer/Journalist", "Party Girl/Bachelorette", or "Going back for theMaster's Degree". I am not sure which path to take and which road to go to cause all four of them sound promising and bright. I will let God and the fates hold what is in store for me. The fact I live in New York now and will officially be a resident this year means all of the opportunities are possibilities. I have made my dreams come true now...how do I get back in the Life Path and decide which road to take now? There is so much I can do now but I am having trouble following my heart.