Silence the Heart

You ever met someone who you believed was not supposed to be with who they were with at that time. I know it sounds crazy because of free will but just like an instinct as if you know you are supposed to be with this person. I adore him and I hate hiding my feelings cause I am an open book when it comes to love. But now I have to back off, I have to silence my heart though because while this person is with someone else.
I just know he has such high potential he would add a lot to my life but then again maybe time will tell. We will see what happens in the future I believe something big will be happening though in the next couple years....for now silence my heart and won't let her open until this new person comes along.

All Grown Up but still No true Love

I am turning twenty-five tomorrow and I keep thinking about the future and what is coming. Then I keep thinking of the truth how I have not been madly in love with a person who felt exactly the same way as me. I feel like the girl who has everything but does not have that.
I have been in brief relationships the longest four months dating someone. Yet the truth is I am the girl who falls in love with men who are so similar to the men of her past.
I also need to fall in love with a person who genuinely loves me and who I am too. That is so important when it comes to relationships for me. I have never had a true Valentine, or even had my parents and family really fall in love with the man I am dating too. My family is cool they will support me no matter what - just believe a lot of people who know me know the right person will come find me. This person has to have an open mind and intelligence is high for me. Also a sense of confidence, security in himself, not over confident like arrogance but secure in himself and his flaws. I believe the physical will be simple the icing of the cake I need the man willing to accept the crumbs too lol!!!!
I believe I am getting close but now its about timing, schedules, acceptance, and two worlds colliding. Also a man who supports my dream like go baby go hurt either! LOL

So Complex

Why is this so compliated matters of the heart versus morals and ethics? I am in a situation where many women and men find themselves. Yet mine is very unique and different too cause it has many twists also. I am in the beginning stage of my career in media. I am at the stage of finding place in this business and I am enjoying it a lot because I believe I am going to fulfill my destiny and dream very soon. I just need more faith in me and the right tools to continue to get me there. I have a sincere feeling God's plan is about to come to fruition for me very soon. Time is rolling so fast and I am trying to catch up with all that needs to be done before my next chapter begins a new page. This a new chapter moving to new york is a new chapter. Also coming into my mid twenties is kind of a defining moment too. Now I have to step up even more as an adult. I am not feeling fulfilled yet I can do so much more. I am not going to feel fulfilled until everything is done. That is how I am all my goals have to be accomplished until I feel full. I feel emptiness for some reason. I can laugh and smile but I still don't feel complete yet.

On top of that...there is the person in my life I want to know so badly yet people believe I am crossing the line by dating someone in my industry of work. I feel like they should back off and let me handle this I know what I am doing and what risks are involved and the repercussions. I need this person in my corner cause I am joyful and at peace. I feel like he is just going to add so much more to my life if he were in my circle. I don't know what to do yet I need time to prove it all to me that I am not just imagining this but these feelings are real and I need him or if he should not be in my heart and head how do ignore him and move on? If I do the next guy will have to prove himself. Everything is too complex

How one moment can change your heart

I worked vigorously hard to put this man out of my mind. I kept myself busy I worked hard on and still keep my life pretty busy now. Yet this man I will call him Soul Songbyrd. Soul Songbyrd and I have known one another a long period of time since Honey Brown Sugar was a young little girl. Soul Songbyrd was Honey's first real crush. Yet they could never be together cause of their age difference. Years went by time passed she changed went on her with her life and so did he. They saw each other again and she remembered him as  a teenager falling in love with his smile, his laugh, and his puppy dog chinky dark brown eyes. She knew one day he and herself had to share their lives together. Yet Soul Songbyrd had a woman he was in love with and adored. Honey Brown Sugar continued to grow and learn experiencing and enjoying her life. Eventually they crossed paths and went out together. She was grown and ready to know him. They went out and shared some moments but honey knew she had to let him go and move forward. She did and she met many interesting men along the way no one who stole her heart like him. Now Honey is in love with Handsomeness. Handsomeness is important to her and she believes she can really learn grow with him. Yet one minor detail...because Honey lives in the same city as Soul Songbyrd and now she has seen him crossing paths. Now her feelings are open....she wants to know him but honey is afraid her heart may get broken again....what to do....she's lost and needs to get back to lookin for someone new. Or perhaps someone may all ready be right for her.
Stay tuned....always a new chapter in the world of Honey Brown Sugar
Okay now Handsomeness has decided to go back to his Queen. Honey Brown Sigar was devastated by the news when she received a text message this morning. However, she knows love will come to her when she finds someone new. She cannot let that trump her or stop how she feels. Her life is too important and she has too much to do to let that mess her up. It hurts her heart a lot because she had such high hopes. But she knows there is another plan God has in mind and there will be a new person. There is too much going on in her world to let that crush her heart. Maybe there might be hope for her Soul Songbyrd? Or maybe a new king will be here soon too. You see how one moment can change everything in life its unbelievable at times.

I got the best of both worlds

Last month before I moved to New York I was stressed out worried about a new life there when suddenly I realized I have lived my life here just as much as I did in jersey city. It hit me when I was in church today that God does have divine plan for me. As much as my life has changed this year it is true.I  get the best of both worlds. I get a chance to really live here and I do believe my life is getting ready to change. There's a person inside me always wanted to be tougher, stronger, wiser, and more accepting of my flaws and everything about who I am too. One thing about being in new york and to be here now and really be living my life here makes me see I  have a chance to reinvent myself now. I have a shot to make the life I want and dream come to life now. I am on my way.....stay tuned. I feel really good about the path I have chosen I feel a sense of peace and joy now. I can get used to this now and I am going to put my best foot forward this chapter of my life is special.

I got the best of both worlds

Last month before I moved to New York I was stressed out worried about a new life there when suddenly I realized I have lived my life here just as much as I did in jersey city. It hit me when I was in church today that God does have divine plan for me. As much as my life has changed this year it is true. get the best of both worlds. I get a chance to really live here and I do believe my life is getting ready to change. There's a person inside me always wanted to be tougher, stronger, wiser, and more accepting of me and everything about me. to be here now and really be living my life here makes me see have a chance to reinvent myself now. I have a shot to make the life I want and dream come to life now. I am on my way.....stay tuned

Deep Inside the world of Honey Brown Sugar

I have a lot going on inside my little world actually. I have recently moved to new york. A place I adore and love but I am dealing with a lot this year. It is time for me to be honest about some things. I have an internship I am doing that is my dream job and while I am working and doing something close to my area of interest. I am dealing with personal things that are almost eating away from me. One its almost like a soap opera or a sitcom for the people I work with and what I have to intake sometimes. I walked into my internship with nervousness and high apprehension. I knew this is where I belong. Now months  have gone by and I have gotten to know people I feel like now I have walked into a really complicated situation. I am meeting people who I thought I would build long friendships with but now I am really getting lost. I am stuck with frustration some days and I am supposed to be joyful. Money is still tight and I am supposed to be moving toward the future gettng my own place, a car and building my life too. I am starting to feel lost. I have got a lot going on bugging me. I thought I had everything figured out but now my inner circle is making me realize I still have so much inside of me I still need to work on now. 6 months ago I was happy now I am questioning everything.
Even the man I thought I was in love with and I am I cannot let him go cause we have not been out properly but the truth is I am crazy about him and its complicated cause we work around one another. I am at a lost now and I need to move forward. I need to get back to my goals they always keep me focused they become apart of me because they are changing me inside and outside too literally.
I believe this year for my twenty fifth birthday the biggest gift I can give myself is a chance to find my happiness and the life I want too. Also a vacation I need to get in touch within inside of me mentally ad emotionally again cause I still have a lot to build on again. I still have a lot to work on in some relationships of mine too. I also know soon I need to get back to my spiritual side, exercising again, and just rebuilding myself. One thing about my zodiac sign and this is just something I have always loved we as Scorpios are driven, we can get  side tracked in our lives, but that is just our way of transforming ourselves. we are passionate people about everything and we are loyal. I am loyal by nature. I also love to transform myself cause I am able to dig within and be a better Chloe. I am looking forward to that part of my journey. There is a lot ahead of me and I know very soon I am going to gain my strength back and I will be a better me.