I recently went on vacation. I
needed it badly actually to escape New York City for a minute. I also went to
go see an old friend of mine. I am sure many of my readers remember
Handsomeness. I met “Handsomeness” a man who I was really in love with and met
4 years ago back in 2011. I met him at one of my old jobs, Black Enterprise
Magazine. So he knew I have been trying to see him again for a while. I wanted
to spend time with him actually just catch up too. I planned this trip for
about 3-4 months it took me. I even had to rearrange my work schedule, jumped
hoops trying to get everything organized. I thought just once we would go to
dinner and see each other. We would catch up for a minute. Now he knew I was
coming. I was originally supposed to be where he is now in September. He moved
across the country and became a news reporter for Fox News. Now I was extremely
proud of him and knew he could do this too. We even talked about how one day we
were going to be journalists, we wouldn’t be interns anymore, and how we would
go on. Yet when I left I always still had feelings for this person too. Things
about me would remind me of him. Little “signs” that I remembered about him and
certain details. So after a while when I kept seeing “the signs” when you see
the signs more than 100 times all around you, even in different states, clearly
that means you really need to go see this person like now. I didn’t know what
it meant I thought maybe it meant we need to discuss things again, rekindle a
bond or relationship. I had moved on and tried to getting myself more involved
in work, my hobbies, exercising, and everything. I met new people as well and
just kept my options open. Yet I still longed for this person too.
So it
took almost 2 years to see this person I am not kidding, life got in the way a
lot, family situations occurred, work obligations, trying to make ends meet,
traveling, friend obligations. I had a lot going on and needed to really figure
out when would be the best time to see him. I put a lot of thought and planning
into this too. So I finally have gone to see him this month, and I went
Halloween weekend. I flew down to New Orleans, and planned it for my birthday
week that’s where he is now. So as I said he knew I was coming, I text him my
hotel address, my room number, and he knew where I was too. He even called to
see am I really here. So yes he knew. So I saw him for about 15 minutes on the
1st, we hugged, and talked briefly. He also said call me around 1:30 tomorrow
maybe we will catch up. So I did waited for him actually too….but at the same
time I also met someone new too at a Halloween party at Masquerade night club
the night before I was invited to down the street from my hotel. Here’s the
twist the hotel is right by where I would be staying at anyway. It is funny how
things work out.
So anyway I didn’t see him the next
day but it’s all right. I went out with this new person and we caught up. I
even told him what really happened as well and why I was visiting. He put two
and two together and got it. He asked “Why didn’t you stay with him? You should
be with him right now.” I told him the truth over dinner, “He has family in
town”. He even said “Well it sounds like I am winning…” (more about him later.)
So I even spoke to an old family friend about him too while I was visiting. She
told me tell him the truth he needs to know how you feel. I said I should just
do it. It’s similar to ripping off a painful, tight band aid attached to your
skin. So I just did…I waited until I got to Louis Armstrong International
airport. I got a ride to the airport and went I got through security. I sat
down in a place called Wow Grill and ordered a really delicious chicken
sandwich, French fries, and a drink. I am painting the picture for you and then
I texted him. I wanted to say good-bye to you and also I asked him “Do you know
why I came to New Orleans”…he said “No why?” I said “Because…the truth is I am
still in love with you. I know you are busy and have a lot going on. But I have
been hiding it and you need to know the truth.” He responded a few minutes
later. I didn’t get his response until I fell asleep on the plane, landed to my
connecting flight back to Laguardia in New York. I landed in Houston, Texas and
I got this message from “Handsomeness”, “Wow, Chloe…I want to be honest with
you…I don’t share those same feelings. I think you’re a wonderful person but
you deserve someone who is going to love you back.” My stomach turned a bit, I
noticed the sky getting dark and gray outside too actually. I was hurt, I cried
went to the ladies room and let it out. I dried my eyes fast. I actually
dropped my lip liner in the rest room in the garbage can by accident too (I can
always buy more), I put on some lipstick, and my shades. I just kept moving, I
talked to one of my best friends about it, she actually told me she’s proud I
went. She’s like see you needed closure. I bought a cinnamon bun and milk (comfort food for the soul and heartbroken)
from Cinnabun, and just told myself “You will get through it”. It’s funny my flight was delayed by an hour
too. Once I spoke to my friend about it the sky cleared actually. I read some
magazines, and just focused on the journey ahead. It wasn’t easy…the past
couple of days are hard but because I am moving forward and busy it helps. So I
am just going to say this you may not love me but damn it I love me. I am not
going to allow myself to be upset, frustrated,
As always my beautiful and handsome
readers I have so much to discuss with you in the future. I will see you very
soon cause we always have a lot to discuss in my crazy world.
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