We are all Family: Blended Families and African American couples

I have a confession to make for the past 20 years I have grown up in a blended family. Although my parents may not be married they have been together over 20 years and made a “common law” marriage work for them for nearly two decades with ups and downs just like any other normal American couple. I met my stepfather when I was 10 years old. I was so nervous to actually meet him I even worried about what to wear when I made my first impression. I didn’t have to worry actually he embraced and accepted me just as I was. I am the only daughter of my mother and the youngest child and daughter of my father. He has a son from a previous relationship so I have a half-brother who is 11 years older than me. So you can say from the moment I was born aside from that lovely fact. That story and it’s a pretty interesting story I was born into a blended family too. My stepfather really schooled and taught me things about myself, he taught me how to have a better relationship with my mother as well. I met him during the “dark ages” I like to call it during my adolescent years from (11-20) that definitely was a defining moment and time. My teenage years with him were not as simple as they could have been. I did some dumb things, said some crazy things, and yes I paid the penalty for it. However I believe during those years I learned the true value of why you have to have a strong mother-daughter bond. Why it is essential and why every young girl at that age needs that relationship, she is coming into her own, she’s going through changes, puberty aside itself. She is going through things that can confuse her, define her, and make impressions on her mind as she figures out who she is too.  So why is this important at all? It’s important to me because every young girl admires her father. However, no one tells you that you can respect and admire your stepfather too.

I have been pretty blessed to see my mother and stepfather’s relationship blossom especially after she had been married to my father for about 10 years and they were together about 17 years in total. My stepfather when he came into my life it happened when I not only needed to develop a better bond with my mother during those teens years. I also needed to learn how to deal with boys and men, how to learn some valuable lessons as well. Having a stepfather gave me a stronger relationship with the both of my parents actually. I am lucky to have a “bonus dad” and a “bonus mom”. My father remarried in 1999 and has been married for the past 14 years. So I learned to develop a relationship with them both. I believe a child gains more of an education, more family, and can develop even more confidence when the relationship between their parent and “stepparent” is right. They have a way of impacting a child as well. So for me I believe yes a man or woman can remarry, they can be in another relationship especially if it were children involved within the relationship or marriage.

Now According to the Pew Research Center 40 percent of relationships for minorities involves children who were born or adopted even from previous relationships of marriage. A statistic that does not surprise me now especially in the case we have couples who are getting divorced more frequently. They’re teenage and adult children now have a chance to have siblings or stepsiblings. Aside from myself some of the most successful relationships have come from blended families. 1. The Kardashian-Jenner family, 2.The Harveys (of Steve Harvey) and Marjorie Harvey , 3.The Smiths (Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith), 4. Reverend Joseph Simmons aka “Rev Run”  and Justine Simmons, 5. The Pitts- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie-Pitt .

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie although their relationship may not be ideal. They still found love anyway and eventually married. The two of them decided to blend their family with their six kids which includes a set of twins and educate them on their differences too. Talk about the ultimate blended family. All of these people yes they are entertainers but they have had successful relationships though. They have managed to pull their immediate family with someone else’s previous relationship and children. They make it work no excuses or anything standing in their way. They make sure to include everyone in the household and find a way to have a relationship with their children and stepchildren. For my mother, my stepfather, two stepbrothers and I it has been the same way as well. I believe you can make it work with the right person once you set a foundation in the relationship.

It is something that comes through hard work, the desire, sacrifice for a family, and also with that mutual connection between the husband /wife, their children, and their family as well. They need to set ground rules on how to make all of the relationships even stronger where they understand each other. So for everyone it does work I am living proof it works when everyone has moved on, matured, and they understand their roles too.

 

 

 

Had to put this song in lol Sister Sledge's "We Are Family" lol